2023 Holiday Gift Guide: Stocking Stuffers

A WD-40 Precision Pen wouldn't be the first thing that came to mind if you asked me about on-the-go lubrication. Then again, the first thing that came to mind, the unparalleled 55-gallon barrel of lube, isn't exactly good for "on-the-go" needs. And when I really think about it, the number of unexpected times the average person would need a WD-40 Precision Pen on hand to oil a bike chain, quiet a squeaky door hinge or swivel chair, and loosen rusty parts is likely far greater than the number of unexpected times they'd need some lube for boinking.

Who'd-a thought this piece of junk could clean up so well? The Jumbo Star Wars Millennium Falcon Crayon splashes every color of the rainbow - or at least every color in your standard box of Crayolas - over the dismal blue-gray of Han Solo's freighter.

Handmade by Bomb Pop Boutique, Jumbo Star Wars Millennium Falcon Crayons contain a mashup of broken and discarded crayons. Each is unique in its mix of colors, as well as the patterns this new (and much improved, IMO!) fusion of crayons forms.

And you can actually play games on the TinyCircuits Thumby miniature game console! I mean, presuming you remembered your glasses and have hands the size of a toddler's. Or perhaps a certain ex-president's.

The TinyCircuits Thumby series comes pre-loaded with 5 retro games, plus has an open-source code editor so you can make your own, plus use the mini console to create original drawings and animations. A Thumby Link cable (sold separately) allows for multiplayer action, and an included keychain clasp ensures you can take the lil' piece of gamer geekery anywhere.

You don't shoot 'em, you don't drop 'em like a bomb, and you definitely don't Goblies them up. Goblies Throwable Paintballs are soft and squishy projectiles that throw like a water balloon, and land in an explosion of neon colors.

Non-toxic, bio-based, washable, and designed not to leave big ol' black-and-blue goose eggs on their targets, Goblies Throwable Paintballs bring fun, colorful, and delightfully messy play to anyone ages 6 and up. They're filled with a "goo" Goblies says clings to skin and targets, but washes off with water, and comes out of clothing in the laundry. Their outer membrane is soft and flexible like a balloon's, but, made from seaweed, is much better for the environment than their counterpart's rubber or latex. Goblies dissolve on the ground and don't require pickup.

"Punish those pesky dice! They will learn their lesson fast enough on the chair of shame!" I couldn't agree more, DnD Dice Jail. In fact, I have always been an advocate of the time out chair and dunce hat. I think we should bring it back to the classroom. Public humiliation is a terrific form of punishment. Non-violent punishment, unlike knuckle-wrapping and ear-boxing, and effective punishment, unlike suspension and saying, "Hey, buddy, can you please stop playing explicit rap at full volume in the middle of math class?" It's...it's...nah, I know. It's pretty mean too, and will likely give the kids mental health issues.

But your Dungeons & Dragons dice? Screw them, those assholes. If they don't shape up after a round in Dice Jail, an anxiety disorder and depression will be the least of their worries!

The Kickit Pro Trainer tweaks the aerodynamic badminton birdie into a sporting good you kick with your feet rather than whack with a racket. In addition to occupying kids and antsy adults with a fun, energy-channeling game of body-bopping the birdie, the Kickit Pro Trainer can help improve soccer skills, general sports ball control and reaction time, and even juggling efforts. You can kick it with the Kickit birdie solo, pass it back and forth between friends, or create competitive, soccer-style games based on the Kickit Pro Trainer's one rule of play: no hands.

I know what you're thinking, but the Car Air Vent Decorative Strips use a full-length U-clip to stay in place, rather than adhesive or some other easily F-uppable installation method, so it's possible attaching them won't be quite as tedious and rage-inducing as untangling the strands of Christmas lights 2022 you just threw in a box at the end of last season thinking, "Eh, how bad can they get just sitting there?".

Car Air Vent Decorative Strips come in more than a dozen different colors / styles, each blingier and more over the top than the last.

OK, every one of these Sprouting Seed Faces clearly did not listen to their mama when she told them not to stick food in their ears or up their nose. And now, not only have those hunks of broccoli and bits of radish taken root and begun growing out of their ears and noses, they're popping out of their cheeks, mouths, and eyeballs too!

It's almost like Alien, but the kind of alien that implants itself in human faces not to take over the world, but to feed those of us who remain healthy, nutrient-rich edible sprouts!

An elephant never forgets, and with this elephant neither will you. At least not when it comes to where you put your keys, since the elephant end of the Elephant Keychain nestles snugly inside a wall-mounted elephant house that makes up its Key Holder portion.

And their memories aren't the only thing elephants have going for them. There's also that giant trunk and the trumpeting sounds it can make. The Elephant Keychain mimics this trait by doubling as an emergency whistle - just blow into its trunk to sound the alarm, or to call your kids to dinner if you fancy yourself a 2020s Captain Von Trapp.

Ladies with large purses, Make Me Pretty Lighter Cases are calling to you. They're saying, Hey! Don't you need something superfluous and extra bulky to help fill that thing up? Not only can we double...triple...quadruple! the size of a standard BIC Lighter, but we can also make it exponentially harder to light!

OK, I don't know for sure about that last part, but it sure looks like it would be harder to light your BIC inside a Make Me Pretty Lighter Case. Or maybe you're not even supposed to. Maybe you have to remove it every time you want to use it, in which case...equally undesirable. Not a very helpful product overall, but I guess, true to their name, the cases will make your lighters pretty.

Portability, efficiency, and functionality - the cost of beauty, indeed.

The Throttle Opener's got my hand - and mouth, and heart - goin' VROOM, VROOM VROOM! Time to grip hard, gun open some beers, and leave their bottles in the dust as they fly down my throat.

"A quirky twist on the traditional pop-top style bottle opener," the Throttle Opener's motocross design consists of a precision engineered SS304 stainless steel opener head, and high-density aluminum handle covered with an injection-molded rubber MX grip, the latter true to size. It is ambidextrous in use, so both righties and lefties can rev bottle tops in comfort.