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Matador FlatPak Soap Bar Case

$27.50 Amazon »

If one of the grievances you aired during Festivus last December was slimy soap bars and their bulky plastic travel containers - that invariably let some of the slime slip out into your suitcase or dopp kit - Has Matador...

Smells Like WD-40 Cologne

Ready to get into some more MSCHF? Smells Like WD-40 Cologne comes in hot - but very quiet, nary a squeak to be heard - on the heels of the subversive art collective's Big Fruit Loop. And what is it?...

OtoSet Ear Cleaning System

$1,759 OtoSet »

Ready...OtoSet...Grooooossss! Uh, I mean, Goooo! Clean those ears, little earwax-sucking set of headphones!...

Cousins Explained T-Shirt

$21.37 - $25.65 Etsy »

This Cousins Explained T-Shirt is most illuminating for those of us who have always wondered or struggled to keep track of how our relations are related to us. Although, after reading through the tree of lineage, and...

Oreylo Helix Hook Ear Cuffs

$24.95 - $29.95 Oreylo »

Earrings meet ear cuffs...meet hat pins meet cocktail toothpicks in Oreylo's line of Helix Hook Ear Cuffs. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Dude, that's a good way to puncture some lymph nodes in the name of fashion...

Y-Brush 10-Second Electric Toothbrush

$89.99 - $149.99 Amazon »

Think of the Y-Brush as a Roomba for your teeth. Or just think of it as an electric toothbrush shaped like a mouthguard that brushes all your teeth all by itself. In just 10 seconds. Hands-free. You could pee and brush...

Fidget Zipper Bracelet

$7.50 Etsy »

Zipper-dee-doo-dah your stress, anxiety, and excess energy away with a Fidget Zipper Bracelet. Or 10 of them, since that's how many you'll get in an order from this listing. Just imagine all the OCD-methodical zipping...

Fred Chill Out Googly Eyes Eye Mask

$9 Amazon »

Fred's Chill Out Googly Eyes Eye Mask soothes your swollen and weary sockets, and provides an escape from the world...without letting the world think for one second that you've taken your eyes off of it. Because you haven't...

Wood & Magnetic Ball Bearing Watch

$54.99 Amazon »

Dudes, do you feel time passing by? No? Well. You're either too young, or you've never touched a magnetic ball bearing watch before. The first one I ever saw, the Bradley Tactile Watch, was originally made with the blind...

Rechargeable Heated Slippers

$69.99 Amazon »

Rechargeable Heated Slippers may be a boring, uninspired idea for a last-minute holiday gift, but they're not a bad idea. Think of all the people with cold feet out there. And all the people who have moderately warm feet...

Interactive Glow in The Dark T-Shirt

$25 Amazon »

The Interactive Glow in The Dark T-Shirt from Illuminated Apparel will have its wearers beaming. A great gift for kids and teens (and also probably people on mushrooms, ye who live in psilocybin-legal states) the DIY...

Dinosaur Sherpa Coat

$82.95 Amazon »

Aelfric Eden calls their Dinosaur Sherpa Coat a "women's" zip-up, and would probably tout it as a gift for a teen girl, but...come on hip young adult street clothing brand! A 40-something dude could rock it too, right?...

The Tube Combo Luggage & Neck Pillow

$43.95 Amazon »

You don't need to be in London to take The Tube, but you certainly can take The Tube in London. And to London. You can even take The Tube on the Tube in London. A piece of luggage that also serves a travel neck pillow...

DIY Retro Computer Papercraft Models

FREE Rocky Bergen »

This DIY Retro Computer Papercraft Models from Rocky Bergen are fan-frickin'-tastic! And, available as printable downloads, they're also all fan-frickin'-free! A papercraft Commodore 65. A cardboard model of an IBM 5150...

Flamin' Hot Cheetos Eyeshadow Palette

$49.96 Amazon »

Hope the "Flamin' Hot" here indicates how you'll look, not how your eyeballs will feel, after applying shades from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos Eyeshadow Palette. I'd call this 12-strong makeup monstrosity of oranges and yellows...

Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream

Sold Out Amazon »

At first glance, Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream doesn't seem like the best gift for the holidays. Even for a white elephant party, since it's a serious product with a serious label that claims to do serious work on b.o...

UnHide Shleepy Faux Fur Wearable Blanket

$79 - $109 Amazon »

UnHide, you had me at "Shleepy." The perfect mush-mouth word not only for a faux fur wearable blanket, but to describe my general state of being, and what I say I am before telling my wife I want to shnuggle...

Realistic Human Thumb Tacks

$16.99 Etsy »

Stay organized...even if you're all thumbs with a set of Realistic Human Thumb Tacks from This Is Michie's Shop. The push pins are hand-sculpted from polymer clay, so no actual human thumbs were harmed in their making...

LITO Foldable Suitcase

$417 - $457 Amazon »

On the left we have Lito before Dallas Buyers Club and on the right we have Lito during filming for his Oscar-winning role. ... Bad joke? Wrong spelling of "Lito?" Yes and yes, dudes! But if this dude is anything, it's...

Feejays Adult Footie Sweatpants

$29.98 - $49.98 Amazon »

Guess who just added some Feejays Adult Footie Sweatpants to his Amazon cart. That's right. This dude. Feejays are sweatpants with built-in fleece-lined socks. The first of many reasons this is awesome is that they're...

Leg Chains

$20.99 - $29.99 Etsy »

Nothing sets off a slit better than...well, the leg underneath it. Ahem, Angelina Jolie. But after that, definitely one of these Leg Chains. Any one of them. They're all hot. So hot. Like, Yowza!, Waa-waa-wee-wow!, How...

Owl Mittens

Sold Out Amazon »

Well owl be damned. They didn't just make some Owl Mittens, they made some Owl Mittens covered in owls so realistic they are kind of creeping me out to look at, and I hope I never encounter anyone wearing a pair!...

Never Let Go Parent-Child Mittens

$39.16 Etsy »

Never gonna give you up / Never gonna let you go / Never gonna let your fingers get cold / Never gonna say goodbye / But I might make you cry / If you try to slip out of my handhold...

DexShell Waterproof Watch Beanie

$23.97 - $36.99 Amazon »

You may not be singin' in the rain wearing a DexShell Waterproof Watch Beanie, but if you're out when the wet drops start to plop, at least your head will stay dry as you run, hike, camp, fish, walk to work, walk the...