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Massage Bubble Slides

$26.99 Amazon »

I like the sound of Massage Bubble Slides. But, come on, these are clearly Epcot Center Clogs. And the brown versions of the EVA foam footwear are Ballpark Peanut Sandals. And the pink ones? Lychee Slippers...

Lobster Sandals

$19.99 Amazon »

Oooh, lobster sandals to match my sunburn, and everyone's favorite thing to say when I get a sunburn: "Dude's red as a lobster."...

Flat Socks

$10 Amazon »

Uh, they look pretty much like insoles to me, but OK, Flat Socks. They're flat socks if you say so. Some other things Flat Socks says about their "socks" worn by your shoe rather than your foot is that they're "No slip...

Skull Glasses Stand

$43.67 Etsy »

A skull glasses stand, now there's a clever accessory for your lensed accessories. Not to mention a sweet gift for your favorite bespectacled biology teacher, skull-loving goth, deathly cook rock star, or self-important...

Wahl Peanut Hair & Beard Clipper

$52 Amazon »

Aside from the fact that the Wahl Peanut Hair & Beard Clipper looks as much like a nutsack as it does a peanut, have you ever seen a better Father's Day gift for Dad? Or better, Grandpa? Dude, one constant in my life...

Burt Brolos Bolo-Style Eyewear Retainers

$25 - $35 Burt Brolos »

Think of Brolos as eyewear retainers meet bolo ties. Or, more poetically, if you're Brolo creators Colin and Keenan Burt, lost glasses meet Uncle Carl. The brothers ("Bro") developed their glasses straps with pendant...

The Scruffie Leg & Neck Shaver

$19.97 Amazon »

According to the Scruffie leg and neck shaver, "The Scruffie is a shaving tool that allows you to shave your legs and back of the neck." My question is: but is it? Is this razor with a hydra's worth of heads really going...

OOFOS OOriginal Sport Sandal

$69.95 Amazon »

Near as I can tell, OOFOS OOriginal Sport Sandals are orthopedic flip-flops for people who don't want to look like they're wearing orthopedic flip-flops. So, yeah. Definitely out as a gift for Dad this Father's Day, since...

Eames x Reebok Classic Leather Shoes

$120 Reebok »

Anyone gonna talk about the elephants in the room? More specifically, the elephants on your feet? The Eames Elephant is just one style of Reebok's forthcoming Classic Leather Shoe collaboration with the iconic design...

Jean Shorts Swim Trunks

$22.99 Amazon »

Cool off with some hot pants. Daisy Duke's got nothing on these Jean Shorts Swim Trunks. More like swim briefs, really, as the faux denim suit is ready to show off your sweet ass and your formidable junk with equal skin...

Nyx IN16 Nixie Tube Watch

$369 - $379 Kickstarter »

Nyx describes their IN16 Nixie Tube Watch as a "retro-looking futuristic...trend that never fades." Having been at my Dudely duties now for 10 years, I have to say, I completely agree. What is it about these Cold-War-era...

ABananaCover Naked Feeling Boxer Briefs

$14.99 Amazon »

ABananaCover might not be as sexy as a banana hammock, but these naked feeling boxer briefs sure look a helluva lot more comfortable 'round back than the flossy fabric of a thong wedged between my butt cheeks. And made...

Living Childfree Decals, T-Shirts & Mugs

$4.49 - $29.99 Etsy »

Who's ready for some DINK humor? Etsy shop Living Childfree's decals, T-shirts, and mugs join the contemporary American phenomenon of expressing one's every belief, contention, and sentiment on a clever sticker, piece...

Fordite & Vintage Westinghouse Micarta Ring

$900 Black Badger »

Black Badger's Fordite & Vintage Westinghouse Micarta Ring is a funhouse of kaleidoscopic colors and a rare 1940s material the band's designer, James Thompson, calls "OG composite...fo shiz."...

Shark Pool, Beach & Shower Sandals

$8 - $18.99 Amazon »

Shark Week may delight you only one week a year, but these versatile Shark Pool, Beach & Shower Sandals will bring joy throughout all 52 of them. Wear the unisex sandals to the beach or pool during the summer months...

Boxerkilt Pouch-Free Boxer Briefs with Total Airflow

$8.99 - $10.88 Amazon »

Schweddy balls begone! Boxerkilts are boxer briefs whose front skirt flap takes the place of the traditional C&B pouch, allowing for, if Boxerkilt is to be believed, 100% airflow to and through your stifled junk. The...

Mercedes Benz Kids' Luggage

$89.99 Amazon »

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz? Or in this case, Oh Mama, Dad, or Santa Claus, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz...suitcase. I don't know if Mercedes Benz Kids' Luggage is a healthy gift for a kid or not, but...

TempTooth Temporary Tooth Replacement Kit

$32.75 Amazon »

Just one question about the TempTooth Temporary Tooth Replacement Kit: does it come in gold?...

Barbie Swimsuit

$14.99 - $19.99 Etsy »

You know what I thought when I saw this Barbie Swimsuit? The same thing you dudes and ladies probably thought: Come on, Barbie, let's go party / Come on, Barbie, let's go party. Followed immediately by a daydream of Margot...

Disco Ball Helmet

$196.36 Etsy »

This party is DOT-approved. The Disco Ball Helmet is a dazzling piece of headwear, made by Disco 2 Disco (who else?) to help you shine at your next festival, photoshoot, cosplay convention, or walk to the grocery store...

Nike ISPA Link Modular Sneakers

Coming June 2022 to a Swoosh store near you: Nike ISPA Links. Fly modular sneakers with 3 interlocking pieces that connect without glue. And when I say "fly," I don't mean fly-ass. I mean fly-eye. As in, what the soles...

The Golden Girls Ankle Socks

$19.99 Amazon »

I know it's going to be a happy Mother's Day this year, when I give these Golden Girls Ankle Socks as a gift to my mama. A 5-strong set, with pairs mugging pretty damn accurate drawings of Sofia, Rose, Blanche, and Dorothy...

Chilly Ghost Pepper Toothpaste

$13.99 Amazon »

Do you like big, bold, whack-you-in-the-face flavors...in your toothpaste? Then grab a tube of Chilly and let this ghost pepper and twice-mentholated toothpaste take you from the blistering heat of Death Valley to the...

Bath N Bailey Works Organic Sunburn Relieving Salve

$16 Etsy »

Hot time, summer in the city / If you get burnt, ain't gonna look pretty. But maybe it will hurt a smidge less after you rub on some of Bath N Bailey Works' Organic Sunburn Relieving Salve...