Dude's Must See Products for January 2023

Technically, these 14-Inch Industrial Grade Glow Sticks are made for camping, power outages, and emergencies, but I know you dudes take one look at them and think the same thing I do: Schvrmmmmmmm! Kwishuuuuuuuuuu! Let the lightsaber battles begin! Anyone got an extra SaberForge hilt then can lend me?

Here's your first lightbulb moment of 2023, the Edison Light Stick from Barebones. Vintage-inspired and made of brass and copper, the company calls their outdoor lantern-flashlight combo a "completely unique collector's item." I'm not sure I'd go that far, but between its cylindrical shell and spiraling LED rope winding 'round the inside, the compact camping light is indeed totally tubular.

If your New Year's Resolution was to work harder...or play harder, the Imperatorworks IW-R1 Zero Gravity Office & Gaming Chair has you covered on both ends. The luxe workstation comes loaded with a bevy of features, ranging from triple monitor brackets and 140-degree recline in its cowhide leather chair, to fully electrical, one-click functionality when you want to open / close the chair's cockpit, adjust your keyboard or recliner position, and activate the built-in massager. The IW-R1 also features flashy RGB lights around its outer spine and base to help you transition it from workstation to playstation.

Be still, my heart, and holy EDStriga, Batman! This is one fine looking pocket knife. Stubby and thicc in all the right places, the Striga Pocket Knife is a Maciej Modrzejewski design, coming soon to his online store, Matsey.

Modrzejewski smiths his blade creations from a small town outside of Warsaw, Poland. In creating the Matsey brand he says he aims to "combine functionality with my sense of aesthetics, and I draw inspiration mainly from movies and fantasy themes." The Striga is the first knife in his collection.

Ready...OtoSet...Grooooossss! Uh, I mean, Goooo! Clean those ears, little earwax-sucking set of headphones!

Made by SafKan Health, the OtoSet is the first automated ear cleaning system to be approved by the FDA. Its cleaning cycle runs in just 30 seconds, sending an irrigation solution towards the walls of your ear canals to hose down earwax, and then sucking it all back out into disposable containers that look like the housing of over-ear headphones. The containers are, of course, transparent, because who's not gonna want to get a load of all the gnasty yellow and brown buildup that was just in their ears now sitting in a cup outside them?

Don't tell me you wouldn't, dudes. When's the last time you got off the toilet without having a satisfied looksee at your poop? The stuff that comes out of is fascinating, and taking stock of it is cathartic.

The shaggy duvet cover. A little bedspread made of pure comfort, hygge, and dead animals.

Just kidding about the dead animals. While both furry and fur-soft, shaggy duvet covers are made of synthetic materials - 100% polyester microfiber creates the soft 'n' shaggy on the front, and an even softer crystal velvet on the back.

The duvet covers come in a multitude of colors, from subtle gray wolf and brown grizzly, to full-on skinned Care Bear.

Honk - no, hoink - if you like pigs busting out the back of car windows! Not all the 3D Animal Car Window Decals in the Andre Valois Shop are as realistic as the cheeky porker you see above, but I've pulled a shortlist of the best, and they are outstanding.

In addition to the 3D pig, I'd let any vehicle sporting the following into my lane during rush hour:

• 3D dairy cow licking its left nostril;
• 3D stoned-happy Corgi;
• 3D Maine Coon poised to take out the next bird...or Dude eating nuggets in his car...he sees;
• 3D Yorkie who can't take the 4 kids in the minivan yapping even louder than he does;
• 3D Sphynx in need of some fresh air following a rancid fart let loose by her chauffeur.

Swimming Poo's STEAM blurb describes it as "a humorous action game," but that's about as full of crap as Swimming Poo itself. Humorous? If your favorite jokes start with "Pull my finger," or "So I was taking a dump the other day...." Action? If your definition of the word is eluding lifeguards while dropping deuces, ripping farts, destroying filter pumps, and generally polluting the swimming pool.

A turd- and fart-laden romp through a 1960s-era water park, Swimming Poo gives gamers control of the pudgy, prepubescent Simon and, well, his butthole. Your role is to guide your MC / little shit through the park completing the crappy and gassy tasks outlined above, without getting apprehended by the (presumably teenaged) lifeguards (who definitely don't get paid enough to deal with your shit.)

Old Captain proves they are hip to modern times and tech with their wireless charging nightstand with built-in LED lights. Available in white or dark brown, the side table features a tempered glass top with wireless charging panel, and 3-color LED backlighting. The latter toggles through warm, cold, and natural glows with a touch button.

Ready to get into some more MSCHF? Smells Like WD-40 Cologne comes in hot - but very quiet, nary a squeak to be heard - on the heels of the subversive art collective's Big Fruit Loop. And what is it?

Well.

Let me tell you.

It is a cologne...

that smells...

like WD-40.

Cue the Naughty By Nature, because the Flow Wall Desk and its designer, Robert van Embricqs, have every reason to sing, Holla if ya hear me though, come and feel me flow.

We've seen both cool wall-mounted desks and cool transforming furniture before, and this folding chair is even a kinda cool piece of wall-mounted transforming furniture. But when it comes to design, function, and practicality, the Flow Wall Desk is in a league of its own. Or at least in a league with Fletcher Capstan. A single twist takes the desk from a flat, slatted wooden square against your wall - a minimalist piece of art in and of itself - into a curvy, undulating workstation with a semicircular desktop that's as beautiful as it is useful.

Think of the Y-Brush as a Roomba for your teeth. Or just think of it as an electric toothbrush shaped like a mouthguard that brushes all your teeth all by itself. In just 10 seconds. Hands-free. You could pee and brush your teeth simultaneously, and in the same amount of time.

Actually, I already combine peeing and brushing my teeth. But the 2-minute cycle of my electric toothbrush almost always takes longer than my whizz. And it would be nice not to have to wonder anymore if today's the day I drop the toothbrush in the toilet trying to set it down, tuck myself back in, and flush in quick succession.