Dude's Must See Products for September 2021

Denizen, I will take one Archetype smartpod, and one chunk of wilderness to put it on, please. Denizen's forthcoming prefab office is a fully-loaded, fully-furnished, 3D-printed remote work space ready for setup in pretty much any remote space you want to work from. And the Archetype isn't just talking remote from the office, but remote from society, if you like.

I mean, as long as you can get WiFi there.

Maybe start with the backyard.

Whether you're going for Boo! or Bow down! Dan Schaub's intricate, breathtaking deity masks will make terrified trick-or-treaters or mesmerized loyal subjects out of all who see you wearing one.

Schaub's mask designs take inspiration from traditional wood shaman masks and contemporary geometric art. He stacks and glues layer upon layer of laser cut birch plywood to build them, and then adds dichroic acrylic lenses for the eyes. The lenses reflect light, upping the eerie deity effect, but are easy for the wearer to see through. Some of Schaub's mask creations are also lined with sound-reactive LEDs, meaning they'll light up and jump around in sync with your voice if you're going for the looming, fearsome god look, or dance to the music if you're a god who's just here to party.

As Brian Fellow would say, this giant stuffed tarantula is "one fuzzy bug. That's crazy!" And though he'd still be wrong about the bug part, Lifelike Spider Art's supersized arachnids are indeed fuzzy. Very, very fuzzy. And cuddly too.

The tarantula plushes come in black or white, the former 60" in diameter, and the latter 75". They have flexible wire-frame legs for posing and wrapping around yourself in a permanent spider hug.

I suck at pull-ups. But at least with the Bullbar, I can save the strength I'd normally expend to assemble, set up, and fight with my wife about how I didn't really ruin the doorway installing a pull-up bar, and direct it towards attempting to execute the pull-ups themselves.

The Bullbar is a no-assembly, freestanding, folding pull-up bar and exercise station. You can set it up nearly anywhere - without bringing harm to your ceilings and walls, if anywhere is indoors - and then break it back down to a 15" x 51" for relatively easy transport and storage when your torture session is done.

Turn yourself into a life-size, real-life Weeble with the Restless Rocking Chair, a whimsical piece of kinetic furniture from Czech designer Karel Matejka. Though termed a "rocking chair" for simplicity, the Restless armchair rocks like a roly-poly, in all directions, plus spins 'round and 'round on its axis, rather than sticking to a simple forward-back sway like a typical rocker.

And you thought corn dogs plugged you up before. This Corn Dog Butt Plug from Glow F Yourself does double plugging duty too - the metal or silicone end plugs into one willing participant's poophole, and the breaded meat product end into a second willing participant's piehole. Not just to suck on or take in Cheeseburger Ball Gag-style either. The corn dog on the Corn Dog Butt Plug is a real live corn dog ready to get (butt)munched on.

On the one hand, the Heinz Packet Roller is encouraging us not to make a mess and waste ketchup. How very tidy and eco-conscious of them. But on the other, when you have to invent a gadget - however tongue-in-cheek and gag gift-y it may be - to assist people in opening and emptying your condiment containers without spurting their contents everywhere, and leaving half the ketchup behind because it won't squeeze out, or gets stuck in the corners of the haphazard vertical tear you finally managed immediately prior to the spurting event, then maybe it's time to invent a new ketchup packet instead.

Perhaps one that doesn't result in millions and millions of ketchup-coated pieces of plastic getting dumped in a landfill.

Followed shortly, I bet, by a few thousand gimmicky Heinz Packet Rollers.

I don't know what I like better about this hanging bookshelf: its simple, innovative design, and the ease with which you can use it to decorate a wall; or that it was created by a husband and wife team named Agusta and Gustav, who call their company AGUSTAV Furniture. Add to the second bit that they operate out of Reykjavik, Iceland.

Are you kidding me? On second thought, I don't think I can even consider what I like best about the hanging bookshelf. Through and through it is too cool for me.

As if kitchen knives weren't intimidating enough on their own, Dalstrong created their Shadow Black Series of kitchen knives. So now I can pair what they call a "menacing design" with the high probability that I will slice through my finger along with my damn roly-poly radishes, or cleave it off entirely when my wife asks me to break down a chicken.

Wait, I have to sharpen lawn mower blades? Like, how often? And how big of a time and pain-in-my-ass commitment is it? Yeah, yeah, Grizzly Lawn Gear says with their Lawn Mower Blade Sharpener Drill Attachment Kit you'll be in and honed out in under 10 minutes, but I imagine there's a disassembly and reassembly element to this process too. In other words, it's gonna me at my mama's house all damn day.

I think I will approach lawn mower blade sharpening the same way I approach kitchen knife sharpening: when the blades get too dull to cut the grass properly anymore, I'll just buy a new lawn mower.

The PIVOT Bed is for people who have decided to work out at home, but don't have the space, or want to sacrifice it, for a full home gym setup. The PIVOT Bed folds up Murphy-style when you want to exercise, revealing a bed frame underside outfitted with a full-width pull-up bar, dip bars, space for storing weights and equipment, and attachment points for PIVOT accessories like their power rack and folding, adjustable weight bench.

You can't swing from the Hexa-LED chandelier, but you can gaze up at this stunning honeycomb light fixture in wonder of its design. And then in blindness from its 6000K LEDs and 730W of power.

As functional as it is fantastic, the Hexa-LED light fixture actually wants to help you look at everything in the room but it. According to creator Eko Design Co., "This modern light will make sure you'll never have an issue seeing anything in whatever space you place it in." It's a great option for simultaneously lighting up and sprucing up the garage, a workshop, your mancave, and select types of offices.

Do I want a silicone bristled basting brush that can also scoop up juicy drippin's, drizzle them onto my dish, and then rest on my cutting board without spreading their remnants all over it? Fo shizzle my Brizzle.

The Brizzle stand-up scoop, baste, and drizzle brush is Dreamfarm's latest creative kitchen tool that makes common cooking tasks just a little easier and more intuitive. In addition to its 100 non-stick, heat-safe to 500F silicone bristles, the Brizzle has a 1-tablespoon scoop on its head, the latter of which bends 90 degrees to give the former access to your basting liquid without tilting your pan or roaster.