Me So Corny: 14 Products to Help You Eat & Honor Corn

It's not like de-kerneling a corn cob with a knife is hard, but it is hard to do without making a huge mess of kernels and husk remnants and corn juice flying all over the kitchen. And when the precariously positioned cob slips during stripping...hope you like blood in your fresh salsa.

Chef'n says their twist & push Cob Corn Stripper removes all hassle associated with fresh corn kernel acquisition. The compact cylinder is lined with stainless steel blades that strip cobs in seconds as you make a single twisting-pushing combo move.

As someone who owns this kitchen tool, I would give it 3/5 stars. It does remove all hassle associated with fresh corn kernel acquisition...if you have the exact right girth of corn cob. Too skinny, and you've not getting all your kernels. Too fat, and you'll feel like you and your Chef'n Cob Corn Stripper are headlining an MMA fight.

Sink your teeth into this Giant Corn Planter, some sweet corn if I've ever seen an ear of it, and the latest piece of oversized food art from Third Drawer Down. The kernel-covered houseplant home is made from moulded resin, and then hand-painted in a finish suitable for use indoors or out. Dimensions are 10.6" x 10.6" x 13.6".

According to this dude, the Giant Corn Planter would make a smooth-as-butter housewarming gift for a lady. I specify lady because, as a dude, if you need a corn-themed housewarming gift for a dude, I'd probably recommend the Cob Quicky instead.

The Cob Quicky lends a hand in buttering your corn on the cob, getting the job done mess-free and in record time. It's a hand for a job. A Hand. Job.

The latest of Matt Benedetto's Unnecessary Inventions, the Cob Quicky provides a means of not just buttering your corn easily, but really slathering it. Every stroke of the Cob Quicky ensures your cob of corn will come out completely covered in the slippery richness when it's done. Dripping and ready for you, or maybe that special lady you're lubing up some corn for, to tear into it and take a big, juicy bite.

Uh. Huh. Not so sure about that last part.

I think I've lost my appetite.

Take a bite out of summer's bounty with this set of Shark Corn Holders. They've been holding up my corn for me real nice, which I why I was able to toss out that "Take a bite out of summer's bounty" line without a flinch.

The Shark Corn Holders support the cob kind of corn pretty well too. Head and fin pairs skewer the two ends of your cob - or you could go Sharknado mutants and use 2 head or 2 tail ends together - to provide grips as secure as they are deadly.

Corral a quad of cobs with the Corn on the Cob Grilling Basket from Charcoal Companion. It has a nonstick coating on its wire cage, and a sturdy hardwood handle to make cooking your golden boys a little more controlled, efficient, and mess-free.

I do wonder what happens when you get the odd ear out, the one that's appreciably fatter or skinnier than the others. Does the Cob Grilling Basket lose its grip on the less thicc corns, and dump them out the ends if you don't perform your flip with perfect speed and precision?

Behold a land o' lakes of butter, and the Cuisinart Butter Wheel ready to turn through it proud as Mary, so you can slather the melted gold inside onto bread, buns, baguettes, and dinner rolls for grilling or griddling. And sweet summer corn on the cob for devouring by the dozen.

This Amish Country Microwave Popcorn on the Cob makes me feel just like I did when I saw the New England Hot Dog Bun Pan. ... ... Did you know you can pop popcorn right off the cob?! That there exists such a thing as corn cob microwave popcorn?! If you did not know, you can join me on Team This Dude.

If you did know, head over to Team Amish Country.

And either way, if you like popcorn, Amish Country Microwave Popcorn on the Cob, especially the Red Corn variety shown here, looks absolutely mow downable. I see lots and lots of cob-popped corn in my future. If you agree, you can join me on both Team This Dude and Team Amish Country.

I'm not sure these look so much like Butter Girl & Boy Butter Keepers & Spreaders as they do, uh, Butter Voldemort's Children Butter Keepers & Spreaders. Or maybe Butter Kyle from South Park's Little Brother Ike Butter Keepers & Spreaders. (Which could, of course, be shortened to Butter Canadians Butter Keepers & Spreaders.) I mean, any way you look at them, they look a little disturbing, which kinda detracts from the awesomeness of what they do: hold your butter at the perpetual ready for slathering all over your corn.

Or your body.

While I'm pretty sure this would be the most expensive popcorn bowl - and maybe eating bowl period - you'd ever own, if you are a popcorn fiend, or a Sesame Street-style Popcorn Monster, you might like a $48 popped corn receptacle with fancy built-in kernel sifter. I mean, it's cheaper that chomping down on a rogue corn marble and breaking a tooth anyway.

I debated including the Corn Dog Butt plug in my list here. Because, I mean, you're not going to be able to eat the corn dog with it sticking out of your butt (Cirque du Soleil performers, please disregard). And since you're not putting the corn dog end up your butt, are you really honoring the corn, or just the butt plug?

But then I thought, "Heck, someone is going to eat the corn dog. And probably feel honored to do so with it extending majestically from your bunghole, so, Dude, why not?" And here it is.