Put It in a Sock! Stocking Stuffers for 2019

Posted: December 07, 2019

I thought about doing a guide to stocking stuffers for 2019 entitled, "Stuff to Put in a Sock That Will Make Them Tell You to Put a Sock in It...or Shove It up Your...." But, the Christmas spirit has touched me. Or at least given me a light enough pat that I thought I'd be nice rather than naughty with the gifts and trinkets I suggest in this year's stocking stuffer compilation.

And, more importantly, "Stuff to Put in a Sock That Will Make Them Tell You to Put a Sock in It...or Shove It up Your...." exceeds the character limit for the titles of my posts. So now you have "Put It in a Sock! Stocking Stuffers for 2019." Enjoy.

Stocking stuffer gift are listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject to change.

Bob Ross Happy Little Tree Mints

This time, Bob Ross' Happy Little Trees are here in a reign of terror. Prepare your bad breath to die in a peppermint assault!

The Bob Ross Happy Little Tree Mints are yet another issue in a growing line of Bob Ross merch made in tribute to (and to capitalize off of) the quietly passionate painter. The tin of mints here contains a stockpile of halitosis helpers you can use when you have happy accidents. Such as garlic mashed potatoes. Roasted brussels sprouts. Too much eggnog and mulled wine....

$6.71 ➠ Amazon

SteelBee Razor Saver

SteelBee says today's big blade manufacturers add a rust-resistant film to their blades that keeps them clear until you open the pack, but wears away during your first shave. The SteelBee Razor Saver "releases a protective vapor shield around your blades, that keeps the steel protected from moisture, which dramatically slows the corrosion process and extends the life of your razor blades."

Using the stretchy, slip-on cover, you should be able to get up to 3 times more shaves before your blade cuts out. The SteelBee can also serve as a protective cover for your fingers and other toiletries during travel.

$12.99 ➠ Amazon

Mini Materials 1:12 Scale Mini Cinder Block Pallet

How small is Mini Materials' Mini Cinder Block Pallet? The 1:12 construction pieces measure 1.3" x 0.66" x 0.66" each, and you'll get 24 cinder blocks, plus their wooden pallet coaster in the set. So, small enough to hold in your hand. Small enough to display and tinker with on your desktop. Small enough to stuff in your favorite kid's or builder's stocking.

Not to mention realistic enough that you can tell the kid Santa shrunk a full-size cinder block pallet just for him. (If he's gullible, you can tell the builder that too.)

$20 ➠ Mini Materials

Pizza Playing Cards

Delightfully saucy and cheesy...even if no one is really going to play a game of poker with them. You could while everyone's lying around waiting to eat in the afternoon. Work up a real appetite in 2 parts: 1) from staring at dough, mozza, and pepperoni; and 2) out of frustration trying to shuffle a deck of triangles.

$7 ➠ Amazon

Ninja Bandages

Trade kissing for Hi-yah!-ing to make it better with these most excellent Ninja Bandages. Which are most definitely not just for kids.

The shinobi way of covering cuts and scrapes is a GAMAGO creation, here in boxes of 18. Ninja Bandages measure 1.75" x 2", and are suitable for shielding, obscuring, and demolishing anyone who comes near your minor injuries.

$9.56 ➠ Amazon

Aculief Natural Headache & Tension Relief

Aculief does not have glowing reviews across the board, but it does have a loyal following and is a relatively inexpensive, and drug-free, option that might work for you if you suffer from migraines or chronic headaches. The placement of the Aculief wearable clip between your thumb and forefinger targets your body's LI4 acupressure point.

The device's makers report that LI4 is one of the most powerful acupressure areas of your body, and has been a key point in acupressure treatments for headache and tension relief for thousands of years.

$18.99 ➠ Amazon

Chip Fingers Finger Covers

I like storing some flavor for later under my fingernails and in my cuticle beds as much as the next dude, but Chip Fingers might be a useful tool for the times I have to hand out papers in work meetings, or touch my wife's new Pottery Barn couch after eating some Cheetos and hot wings.

Chip Fingers are individual finger covers that slip over your thumb and first two fingers (or any combination of hand appendages you like) to keep your grubby mitts from getting even grubbier while eating your favorite finger foods. Cheese-dusted and sauce-slathered bites are the most obvious offenders, but tacos, sandwiches and burgers, and various chocolatey desserts can also leave their messy marks on your digits.

$14 to $18 ➠ Amazon

Make Your Co-Workers Hate You Pen

Never has there been a more aptly named product than this Make Your Co-Workers Hate You Pen. See, it's a pen, normal in every way, except for the clip at the end, which is a pair of mother F'ing nail clippers!

$5.99 ➠ Perpetual Kid

WineBlock Red Wine Stain Preventing Lip & Teeth Balm

Wine-stained teeth - and clothes, and carpets - have plenty of products focused on them, and the removal of the red devil from those places that make it a buzzkill. WineBlock sets itself apart as a prevention of, rather than a cure for your wine-sloshing teeth and lips. Apply the mouth balm before your first sip of red, and WineBlock says it will block the wine from infiltrating your porous places and leaving behind stains on your teeth and lips that look as bloodshot tonight as your eyes will after drinking that whole bottle of 15.4% Cab in the morning.

$12.95 ➠ Amazon

World's Smallest Super Soaker

The World's Smallest Super Soaker is the latest release from brand World's Smallest, which takes a host of popular toys of past and present, such as Stretch Armstrong and the Glo Worm, and shrinks them down to palm-size. Or, if you're a kid 4 and under, bite-size.

Each World's Smallest Super Soaker holds enough water for about a dozen shots, which it can launch a distance of up to 25'. Two styles are available, the classic Super Soaker 50 and the newer Super Soaker Barrage.

$17.50 for a 2-Pack ➠ Amazon

Speedy the Hamster Reflective Bike Spoke Accessory

The animals gathered to discussed how best to help the humans. Eyes rolled as the whales spooned, teeth clenched as the hedgehog grated, and then. Then the hamster spoke.

You're welcome.

Speedy the Hamster is a glittery bike spoke accessory new from the whimsical minds of kitchen & lifestyle brand OTOTO. The peppy little rodent attaches to one of your wheel rods to add personality and flair as you ride.

$10.60 ➠ Amazon

Drop Wipes - Bird Poop Removers for Your Car

Drop Wipes know how it goes: another day, another deuce dropped by some a-hole bird on your car hood...windshield...trunk...exact part of the driver's side door handle you have to touch to get in. But help could be just a glove box latch away with Drop Wipes, packs of car wipes designed specifically for bird poop removal. (Better go in the passenger's side to grab them, though, if you got the door handle doo-doo.)

$10.95 ➠ Amazon

Fries on the Fly Universal Car French Fry Holder

When you're driving, fries on the fly usually means fries between the thighs. Fries on the passenger seat in a giant to-go bag that keeps tilting away from you and surrendering fries to the floor and cracks between the seat. And the worst, fries locked up for the entire ride home, taunting you with their wafting crispy potato scents and peep-show of grease through the walls of their white bag jail cell.

Fries on the Fly is a universal car french fry holder that solves all of your driving with fries problems. On the bottom it has a cylindrical tray that slips into any standard vehicle cup holder. And on the top, a hard plastic pocket shaped just like a typical french fry box.

You can also, FotF points out, hang it on your belt like a holster.

$12.95 ➠ Amazon

Chug N' Plug Keychain Tool for Shotgunning Beer

The Chug N' Plug is a tiny tool that attaches to your keychain. It looks like a plastic house with a cylinder cover. The pointy roof end is the one you use to stab your beer can with, using the Chug N' Plug to puncture and push through aluminum wall, and making sure the 4 walls of the house are fully inserted and locked in place before you assume the shotgun position. Then...

Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga, woot-woot!

$19.99 for a 4-Pack ➠ Amazon

Sloth Tea Infuser

Uh oh. Mr. Sloth dozed off with his ass hanging in a cup of boiling water. And, mmmm, in contrast to skunk ass, sloth ass smells amazing. Like peachberry jasmine sutra. Or is that tranquil strawberry dream?

The Slow Brew Sloth Tea Infuser drapes over the side of a mug to steep the best cup of tea you'll ever sip. Or at least the laziest and most likely to get cooed at and hugged.

$7.20 ➠ Amazon

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