The 12 Best Squirt Guns & Water Fight Gear

I don't know Magnus, but based on the looks of his Incog Water Gun - sleek, svelte, and stealthy - I'd be on his team for a water fight. Honestly, with a name like Magnus, I'd feel pretty comfortable being on his team for a bar fight or, like, a fight to save Earth from hostile aliens too.

But let's stick with the water fight for now. In a nod to MI5, the Incog Water Gun reimagines your standard squirt gun or Super Soaker as a more stylish, and easily hidden, blaster of H2prOjectiles. Team Magnus says the Incog also feels more ergonomic to hold and use, and is more in line with "modern kids' gadgetry." As if you're going to give these water guns as gifts for your kids, and not just buy a stash for you and all your friends Cornelius to use in your mama's backyard this summer.

Remember when you used to put lightning bug butts and water in the blender and then use them to fill your squirt gun for nighttime fights with your friend Cornelius? Ahhh, childhood in the 80s. That was cool. Maybe even cooler: the SplashLight. The SplashLight is a bioluminescent water blaster that fills with a natural ReLume protein solution, so kids of the 2020s don't even have to hunt down fireflies or get in trouble for putting them in their mamas' kitchen appliances to nail each other with glowing jets of water.

Bunch O Balloons creator (and father of 8, and superior gene bearer) Josh Malone has invented a hose attachment whose other end is fitted with 35 balloons. Turn the hose on, lower the water's dam, and those balloons will automatically fill and tie themselves in about 20 seconds. To dislodge the lot, gently shake the attachment stem and watch all 35 snap off and delicately drop into your weapons bin, primed and ready for a water fight.

Repeat the process 2 more times and you'll have 105 water balloons in just over a minute. Do some basic math and, yep, it's 100 in 60 seconds. And that's a Bunch O Balloons.

Your biggest concern about the World's Largest Super Soaker shouldn't be that it will get you super soaked upon impact. Because the water jet maker Mark Rober has built this 7-foot H2Ogre to spew is so powerful it can shatter glass, halve an unpeeled banana, and slice straight through a watermelon. (The watermelon gets suckered into certain death again! Background here.)

Upon impact, your biggest concern should be that you end up on your ass, bruised and confused, and wetter from the pee in your pants than the water from the World's Largest Super Soaker.

The Pool Punisher reminds us there are pool floats that mean pool floatin', and pool floats that mean pool business. And this inflatable tank with a built-in water cannon means pool business. The giant pool toy does a decent job of shaping and decorating itself like a military tank ready for battle, and an even better job of taking that battle to water with its "armor": a deep inset seat for a single rider; and a pump action squirt gun able to blast liquid ammo up to 50'.

Nothing like the thought of pelting my friend Cornelius with a SpyraTwo water bullet to get me amped up on this Tuesday afternoon! Well, that and tacos.

The SpyraTwo, a follow-up to the successful SpyraOne, is a German-engineered water battler that replaces the streaming shots of other water guns with a powerful 30mL "water bullet" capable of hitting targets with balls-H2On accuracy from up to 25' feet away.

This cheaper - albeit in construction as well as price - portable alternative to everyone's favorite carnie and Zack-sticks-it-to-Mr.-Belding game (see the Backyard Dunk Tank above) sets up easily in the backyard for Soak 'N' Wet fun during scorching summer parties and negative windchill dares alike. Take aim with a light vinyl bean bag, try not to throw like a girl, and when you hit the bullseye you'll enjoy 5 quarts of water, or Nickelodeon slime if you've got the skills to cook some up, pouring down onto your sitting duck's head.

To complement the power and bravado of the World's Largest Super Soaker, we have the stealth and discretion of the World's Smallest Super Soaker. Ahaha! The growing bald spot on the back of my friend Cornelius' head will never see me coming!

The World's Smallest Super Soaker is fully functional. It holds enough water for about a dozen shots, which it can launch a distance of up to 25'. Two styles are available, the classic Super Soaker 50 and the newer Super Soaker Barrage.