The Best Hangover Cures

"Take 3 capsules before drinking with food and water. Take another 3 right before bed." Ooooh, good advice. But before I drink I feel like Wonder Wom- uh, I mean, Wolverine, who doesn't need no stinkin' hangover prevention. And right after I wrap it up, I feel like my 2-year-old nephew, who has no sense of sensibility, and not much more motor function. So how's about I take my Flyby pills the next morning?

Flyby, like most other alcohol supplements, is best taken before and/or right after your consume, but with ingredients shown to help metabolize alcohol-induced toxins, and prevent hangover symptoms like nausea, dry mouth, and loss of appetite, if you're illin' on the flip side, a few morningtime capsules could help them Flyby.

Remember Warheads candy? Think of Japanese umeboshi plums as a slightly less assaulting version of those. Warheads Light. For those unfamiliar, the candy, and the plums, are sour. In Japan, they harvest the ume fruit at its highest acid level, and then salt-cure and ferment it for an unmistakably powerful, tart flavor. The first time you try one, your mouth might have a conniption.

But hang in there. Umeboshi plums have long been used as a home remedy in Japan, and even Samurai warriors toted them to combat dehydration, nausea, and hangovers. Ingredients naturally occurring, and resulting from the plums' natural preparation, include a host of acids, such as citric and pectic, known to ease body aches, and aid in liver function and digestion. The acids are also alkaline, like many antacids, and so can also help with upset stomachs.

Sober Up, a shot-sized beverage with a neoteric vitamin and mineral infusion, endeavors to reduce the negative impact of toxins, restore mental clarity, promote liver health, and naturally detoxify the body. It's packaged in a 0.75-oz metal tube packed with Eastern herbs and "Western beverage technology". I think that last part is code for, "Won't make you feel like vomiting any more than you already do."

Having tried Sober Up as part of a focus group containing two drunk people, I can vouch for these assessments. It tastes a little like Ricola cough drops dipped in soy sauce - presumably the flavor profile of its Asian voodoo plants - but goes down pretty easily, particularly when mixed with water or Bombay Sapphire.

Does The Hungoevr Cookbook spotlight a small, yet decidedly porky hog on its cover because bacon is the ultimate hangover cure, or because it would also like to point out that those of us requiring a cookbook tailored to days defined by the overconsumption of alcohol are gluttonous, unbridled pigs?

Argument in favor of the former: a recipe for Potato Hash with Avocado and Bacon. One for Pork Sausage and Egg on an English Muffin. And, mmm, The Elvis Presley Peanut Butter, Banana and Bacon Sandwich. Recipes obviously intended to refresh and reinvigorate us to the point that we can throw back a few more brews...and maybe a shot or two of Jager...again tonight.

Argument for the latter: The deprecating anecdotes, graphic jokes, mind benders, quizzes, and insights into the science of drunken stupidity interspersed amongst the food-based cures. Words that will surely exacerbate the guilt compartment of our psyches, just as the delicious home cookin' soothes the stomach compartment of our bodies.