Valentine's Day Gifts for Her

Posted: January 29, 2019

Who's your "her" this Valentine's Day gift-giving season? In compiling this list of Valentine's Day gifts for her, I kept in mind that it might be your mama*. It might be a girl you haven't been dating long enough to go full-on hearts and jewelry with. Or long enough to even really call your girlfriend.

It might be a girlfriend, but one you don't like all that much, and don't want to spend a ton of money on. It might be one of several ladies you're "talking to."

It might be the love of your life. The one you've been with forever, or the one you know you would be with forever, if she'd just look up from the front desk when you walk into the gym long enough to see it like you do.

Here are my best bets for Valentine's Day gifts for her.

Note: Valentine's Day gift prices are listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject to change.

*With the exception of 1 item in the list, which I would not recommend for your mama. I'll let you figure out which one that is on your own.

Full-Length Mirror with Jewelry Cabinet

A place to check her outfit, and her ass, as she gets ready, plus a place to store her overflowing collection of earrings and rings and bracelets and necklaces and hair doodads and stick-on sparkle things and yada, yada, yada.

The only problem with a full-length mirror covering a full-length jewelry cabinet is that if your lady doesn't already have an overflowing jewelry collection that merits a storage space of this size, you might be expected to help her create one.

$90 ➠ Amazon

Pink Power Cordless Drill Driver & Electric Screwdriver Combo Kit

I know, I know, just because it's pink doesn't mean it's for ladies, and doesn't mean a lady is going to like receiving a combo drill driver and electric screwdriver set as a Valentine's Day gift.

But even if she has no use for an 18V NiCad cordless power drill, 3.6V cordless electric screwdriver, 6-piece handheld screwdriver set, tool bag, drill bit set, chargers for each power tool, and a full one-year warranty that protects against any damage or defects, doesn't mean you won't.

In which case the gift would be you performing home repairs and DIY tasks for her using snazzy pink power tools. And letting her post photo evidence of it on Instagram.

$129.99 ➠ Amazon

Fujifilm Instax Mini 9 Instant Camera

This upgraded version of the Fujifilm Instax Mini 8 instant camera has an all-new selfie mirror so she can check her makeup and perfect her duck face before snapping the instant-print shot. No further explanation needed.

$49.99 ➠ Amazon

Cat Ear Pearl Earrings

Three reasons these earrings are the cat's meow: 1) She'll like that they're classic and classy, made with genuine freshwater cultured pearls and 925 sterling silver, nickel-free posts; 2) You'll like that despite that expensive-sounding description, and the fuzzy pink jewelry box they come in, the earrings are a pretty cheap gift!; and 3) I like that pearls remind me of strings of pearls, which remind me of anal beads.

$14.99 ➠ Amazon

Salty Bitch Mug

For wives and girlfriends with a good sense of humor.

And for wives and girlfriends with a bad sense of humor, who are now ex-wives and ex-girlfriends.

For ex-wives and ex-girlfriends who love to rub salt in your wounds.

For your male co-worker who loves to be a whiny, melodramatic, salty little bitch. ... Given anonymously, of course.

11.99 ➠ Amazon

Unicorn Makeup Brushes

Made with cruelty-free nylon hair brushes and plastic handles! No unicorns were slain or shorn to bring your lady these fancy iridescent brushes for Valentine's Day!

The Unicorn Makeup Brushes are sold in packs of 10, each a different shape and size. The set comes packed in a glistening pink carrier case with elastic holders. The case also sets up on the bathroom counter for brush access.

$9.49 ➠ Amazon

Where It Happened Map Jewelry

The Maps jewelry collection from A. Jaffe could make your Valentine feel very, very special. Select any address in the world - the place you met, went on vacation, got engaged, ate the best tacos of your life - and A. Jaffe will print it as a map with a diamond marking the sweet spot on you choice of necklace, ring, bracelet, or charm.

$125 to $1,995 ➠ A. Jaffe

Not Vanilla Club Adult Toy Subscription Box

I don't think it's by chance that all of Not Vanilla Club's adult product subscription plans cost some amount of dollars and 69 cents. A sexy price for a sexy service.

Not Vanilla Club brings adult toys and other sex-centric items to the trend of mailed mystery swag. Membership options are available for monthly, Bi-(curious?)-monthly, and one-(jack?)-off deliveries, and new members will fill out a questionnaire of preferences at the time of order to help Not Vanilla Club determine how tame or kinky they want them to go with their hand-picked helpers.

$24.69 to $36.69 ➠ Not Vanilla Club

Sherpa Hoodie Blanket

The Snuggie evolved? These Sherpa Hoodie Blankets, and a whole bunch like them, are blowing up Amazon with their sherpa lining warmth on the inside, micro fleece-y softness on the outside, and bigness all over.

Correction: knee-length bigness. Unlike Snuggies, Sherpa Hoodie Blankets are designed not to drag on the ground or restrict movement, so you can wear them out and function in them at games and tailgates, while camping and grocery shopping, and at work, in an office that refuses to heat the building above 65 degrees, yet also just released a memo prohibiting the use of personal space heaters due to fire safety concerns.

$44.98 ➠ Amazon

Buca Boot Bike Basket

For the sporty cycling - or Lime eBiking - ladies out there, the Buca Boot is a snazzy car trunk for a bike. Kathryn Carlson developed the Buca Boot concept at university in London, when she struggled to load up and strap down all her books and gear for class, plus her personal EDC for being out all day, and then hitting the pub at night, to her bicycle. It was an alternative to riding around like a sherpa who wandered off the trail to Machu Picchu.

$225 ➠ Amazon

Puffy Coat Slippers

These puffy coat slippers won't be the ugliest slippers she's ever seen...well, maybe they will be the ugliest slippers she's ever seen. But I'll bet they'll also be the warmest and coziest on her feet. The puffiest and squishiest too. And always prepared to alert anyone looking down or crawling on the floor that she's a-comin'!

$19.99 ➠ Amazon

RoWrite Smart Writing Pad

For the artistic dreamers and the female executives alike, Royole's RoWrite is a digitally-enhanced notepad that's bringing handwritten and handmade back.

Insert a standard pad of paper into the RoWrite folio, and write or sketch as you normally would. You'll see the ink, but the RoWrite stylus' 2048+ pressure points and its surface's flexible sensor technology will feel strokes it can track and record with pin - or maybe better to say "pen" point accuracy.

When you've finished your first draft, you can call up your piece in the RoWrite app, and edit and enhance it in real time or later, on any compatible device. The app contains various writing instruments that enable users to change stroke thickness, erase, or add up 20 colors.

$129.99 ➠ Amazon

Ruby Chocolate Kit Kat Bar

If you want to go traditional without going full-on cliche, check out Kit Kat's take on chocolate. Bonus: it's really pink.

Double Bonus: Ruby Chocolate Kit Kat bars aren't just white chocolate-dipped wafers dyed pink. Ruby chocolate is actually a newfangled chocolate introduced in 2017 by Belgian-Swiss chocolatier Barry Callebaut. The company has been secretive about how they developed "the 4th type of chocolate" (and the first new one to join milk, dark, and white in 80 years) but does say the ruby hue comes straight from ruby cacao beans.

$4.90 ➠ Amazon

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