Bionic Bopper Cars

Posted: November 29, 2011
Bionic Bopper Cars
  • Bionic Bopper Cars
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How many times have you been THIS CLOSE to punching someone in the face, only to be thwarted by interfering friends, the possibility of assault charges, or the sad realization that the would-be recipient could snap your neck with his thumb and forefinger? Bionic Bopper Cars level the playing field, allowing just about anyone to make, and make good on, threats to kick the assess of those who piss them off. They're Sumo-sized robots, clocking in at over 6 feet tall and 5 feet wide, with steel bodies, tire-tread fists, and Honda engines the give them mobility of up to 3 mph in any direction. Best of all, the prize fighters aren't even remote controlled--operators actually sit inside their chest cavities and use a joystick to wallop opponents with upper cuts. Each blow to the head scores one point, awarded and tracked automatically on a front-mounted display. And even though they each cost a year's worth of college tuition, the satisfaction of decimating the Apollo Creeds, Lucys, Ace Merrills, Tom Buchanans, ugly stepsisters, Gordon Ramsays, Wayne Arnolds, Chet Donnellys, NeNe Leakeses, and Biff Tannens of the world will prove to be worth far more to your future than a BA in Psychology. Also, a $17,000 robot to do your bidding is still cheaper than post-altercation maxillofacial surgery.

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