Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)

I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately, I kept staring into the eyes (nipples) of these inhumanly massive, yet all-natural, all-star baloobas and could come up with nothing but a titanium rod of an erection. I was in a quandary for hours. Then, in need of a brief mental respite and a Philly cheese steak omelet with a slab of hash browns, I took a walk. On my way home I passed a young lady with a rack I would rate a 6 out of 10 in comparison to those in the The Big Book of Breasts, but a 10 out of 10 in comparison to the fact that she was standing in front of me in real life. I knew she held the insight to my dilemma. So I motorboated her.

Yes, of course she responded by kicking me in the nuts. But it's OK because in so doing she both illuminated the solution to my problem, and got rid of my boner. What I figured out is that I don't need to figure out a way to talk about The Big Book of Breasts 3D in entertaining, yet sophisticated euphemisms. I need to stay true to myself and to my pen and talk about it in the same way I talk about everything else: like a proudly foul-mouthed and hard-up man of average wit and below-average intelligence.

And now that we have the tone established, I would like to pose a question to the ma'am wedging her glorious willie wakers through an empty window pane: Why are you doing that?! First of all, you're going to get a splinter, and second of all, who do you think I am, Bob Vila? I don't want to associate tits with home improvements. If you want to shove those things through a restricted opening, I'd prefer, like, an inner tube, or maybe a bike rack so then at least I could post the photo online with some high-five-worthy comment about racking up a rack or wanting to lock my frame to that rack or...yeah. OK, fine. Maybe a bike rack doesn't provide the best illustration of my point.

The Big Book of Breasts 3D includes 108 boobalicious photos that, paired with the included third dimension glasses, explode from the book's pages as fully rounded body contours, right into the reader's face where they belong.

And ladies, if you think Breasts author Dian Hanson is giving you the shaft...you're right. Check out The Big Penis Book for a complementary 3D exploration of gargantuan manhood.

The Big Book of Breasts 3D is a top Dude Gift for a Man pick.

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