The Vampire Combat Manual
/the-vampire-combat-manual-5222.jpg "The Vampire Combat Manual")
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer Full Scale Scythe Replica - $699.99
- Professional Vampire Fangs - $14.95
- The Zombie Combat Manual - $8.97
- Abe Lincoln LEGO Figurine with Vampire Head - $18.99
- Vampire Bite Temporary Tattoos - $7.95
It's a guide to fighting the bloodthirsty undead. As opposed to the brain-hungry undead. The Vampire Combat Manual is a necessary complement to anyone's zombie killing kit or how-to book, and adds to contemporary society's obsessive preparations for battling the occult during a seemingly imminent apocalyptic event. Learn how to successfully engage in combat when face to fang with a vamp. Avoid injury, disfigurement, exsanguination, and the dreaded hypnosis thing they pull and then use to make you do embarrassing things like melting a piece of cheese on your nipple, and texting your ex-girlfriend a picture of an empty deep freezer and a sign that says, "Your heart."
The Vampire Combat Manual will also:
- Debunk myths surrounding vampire flight, animal metamorphosis, and physical attraction to humans.
- Provide detailed instructions on how to transform everyday materials into weapons deadly enough to deaden the undead for good.
- Depict methods of harnessing Ultraviolet light for use against a vampire.
- Explore the pros and cons of decapitation.
- Provide insight on the Domicile Histodiscordant Reaction (DHR), aka inviting a vampire in.
- Share firsthand accounts from vampire combat veterans (we're sensing an Abraham Lincoln surprise appearance), plus interviews with actual members of the undead.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/in-case-of-cabinets-14337.jpg "In Case Of Cabinets")
In Case Of Cabinets
In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...
/retractable-vampire-fangs-61410.jpg?mode=crop "Retractable Vampire Fangs")
Retractable Vampire Fangs
While these Retractable Vampire Fangs are mighty cool and all, I just don't need them to complete my Nandor the Relentless (aka Nandor De Laurentiis*) costume this Halloween. One of the many, many glorious details in...
/the-disaster-novelist-the-10-31626.jpg?mode=crop "The Disaster Novelist: The 10 Worst Books Ever Written")
The Disaster Novelist: The 10 Worst Books Ever Written
No, smug smarty pants, I haven't read every book ever written, so I can't say with absolute authority that these are the 10 worst books ever written. But I, along with hundreds of your peers reviewing them on fine online...
/dripping-blood-pearl-necklace-60850.jpg?mode=crop "Dripping Blood Pearl Necklace")
Dripping Blood Pearl Necklace
Yep, I read it on Reddit. Or rather, I saw the Dripping Blood Pearl Necklace on Reddit, as you and thousands of others may have too. But I still couldn't resist showcasing it here, given that blood and pearls are what...
Vycle Bicycle Elevator
On the Vycle you won't go Tour de France fast or Tour de France graceful (heh, heh, check it out) but seated atop this human-powered elevator, you will go all out Y-axis on a bicycle...
The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia
People who cannot read Japanese rejoice. Dark Horse Books and Nintendo have published an English version of The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, which is now available for pre-order. The Triforce unites and soars to...
Vampire Killing Kit
I need one of these for sure. Not just for display either... For killin'! Some creepy dude named The Somber Raven made these Vampire Killing Kits and they're pretty legit. You can tell they're what's bolstering him from...
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Trailer
Abraham Lincoln's political career, the Civil War, slavery in The South--conspiracy theorists have been saying it for over a century, and now Seth Grahame-Smith's thinly-veiled novel, plus Tim Burton's twisted interpretive...
/man-up-367-classic-skills-29088.jpg "Man Up!: 367 Classic Skills for the Modern Guy")
Man Up!: 367 Classic Skills for the Modern Guy
Man Up!: 367 Classic Skills for the Modern Guy gives you tips for mastering your career, relationships, grooming routine, and adult life in general. A whole year's worth! On a leap year! With one more to grow on! Yeah...what's...
Guy Code: Unleash Your Manhood
Noah Levenson took 15 principles from MTV2's Guy Code and funneled them into his daily life in an attempt to realize his full potential as a man. The result? He has overtaken the body of Chuck Norris. Guy Code: Unleash...
LEGO Vampire GT Supercar
The undead beast has arrived. Paul Boratko spent years mulling over and designing his Vampire GT Supercar. Its gull-wing doors. Its menacing front fascia. Its groundbreaking chassis. In July 2011, he began tinkering with...
Nosferatu Shower Curtain
The makers of this shower curtain depicting a shadowy Nosferatu ascending the stairs to drain your blood and leave you a dead and dried-out heap of sunken flesh...or maybe turn you into a vampire like himself if you're...