Fitness

Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt

Discontinued

Here's a way to make yourself way less comfortable, but way more badass while working out. The TITIN Force is a complete weighted compression system all tucked into a short sleeve shirt. It utilizes a 3-part hyper gravity...

KettleClamp Adjustable Kettlebell

Discontinued

Turn your dumbbell into an even worse implement of corporal torture: a kettlebell! The adjustable KettleClamp secures to any size/weight of dumbbell, expanding its functionality to include the Russians' favorite way to...

SmartMio Wearable Muscle Stimulator

$89 - $199 SmartMio »

Getting ripped while sitting on my ass. It's the stuff dreams are made of. And, fingers crossed into a length of 550 paracord, the stuff SmartMio will be made of. SmartMio is a wearable muscle stimulator and app-based...

GoBe Automatic Calorie Intake Tracker

$125 Healbe »

Healbe calls its GoBe wristband a 100% automatic body manager. Like the scads of other fitness trackers available and forthcoming today, this means it detects and provides feedback on biometrics such as heart rate, blood...

Kangoo Jumps Anti-Gravity Fitness Boots

$179 - $299 Amazon »

Originally developed by a doctor for rehab patients with knee, hip, and back injuries, Kangoo Jump anti-gravity boots provide former runners with an option for continuing their cardiovascular torture of choice nearly...

Aim - Body Composition & Muscle Analyzer

$149 - $199.99 Skulpt »
What is the Skulpt Aim?

The Skulpt Aim analyzes body composition. Unlike a typical stand-up body fat scale, or even the more accurate method of submerging yourself in a tub of water for body fat testing, Aim measures...

GORUCK Gym Bags

$75 - $95 GORUCK »

GORUCK makes this pair of military-grade gym bags from 1000 D ballistic or double-layered CORDURA. As far as I can tell, that means they're burly and water resistant, but will probably grow to smell like a combination...

Handmaster Hand Exerciser

$14.99 Amazon »

It's not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of a Handmaster, but I dig what this banded ball brand of Handmaster has to offer too. Strengthening both the gripping and the expanding muscles of the fingers...

Beastie Bar Deep Tissue Massager

$49.95 Amazon »

They term the type of massage RumbleRoller's Beastie Bar delivers "aggressive." I think you could also call it "penetrating," "effectively deep," and "more painful than a head-butt in the hamstring from a unicorn." Look...

Fat Gripz Arm Builders

Sold Out Amazon »

Obviously the best thing to do if you want to be as strong and jacked as humanly possible is take a lot of steroids. But since steroids are expensive and mostly illegal and might make you talk like Mickey Mouse, an alternative...

Breathslim - Breathing Weight Loss Device

Sold Out Amazon »

I feel like Bas Rutten made a similar, but much sexier-looking version (uh, relatively speaking) of this Breathslim weight loss contraption. His O2 trainer gets a lot of impassioned feedback here, both from advocates...

Goji Play - Exercise Gaming Companion

Sold Out Amazon »

Exergaming isn't new to the scene. From as far back as the NES Power Pad for track events to modern day fitness programs on the Wii and Kinect for jumping around with digital Shaun Ts, someone is always trying to slap...

Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale

Sold Out Amazon »

Happy New Year! Here's something to make you feel fat, ugly, and depressed motivate and inspire you to reach your 2014 fitness goals! The Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale measures weight, body fat percentage, and body mass...

Elevation Training Mask 2.0

$49.99 - $79.99 Amazon »

Trading in the original Elevation high altitude oxygen training mask for the lighter, more compact, and generally sexier 2.0 version is kind of the same as Justin Timberlake trading in Cameron Diaz for Jessica Biel:...

Elliptigo - Outdoor Elliptical Trainer

$2,499 - $3,499 Amazon »

If you thought the future was incubating in the frames of Google Glass and laces of Marty McFly Nikes, then behold the offspring of the gym's dorkiest piece of cardio equipment and urbanity's most aggressive sharer of...

Zombie Bells

$42.95 - $169.95 Onnit »

First it was the apes that got the swing and pood treatment. It was only natural, really. Now, fitness...dare I say maverick?...Onnit has designed another limited edition set of freakish kettlebells, this time giving...

Hammerhead - Bike Navigation System

$85 Hammerhead »

Shark Week loyalists already know that the hammerhead group boasts enhanced sensory receptors and maneuvering skills. Plus, its butt ugly face, which looks to have been on the receiving end of a Bugs Bunny self-defense...

Stink Yourself Slim Spray

Discontinued

Stink Yourself Slim is not a joke. It's not a gag gift or an Instructables project some dude made at home to give to the lardass who hogs all of the chocolate long johns when someone brings donuts to work. Yeah, I know...

Magnetic Dumbbells

Are you stronger than electromagnetism? O2 Magnetic Dumbbells, a pair of rings with embedded electromagnets, work in tandem to generate resistance as their ends repel, and challenge users to build muscle by fighting their...

Speed Chute - Resistance Training Parachute

$26.99 Amazon »

What would be cool is if I could use SKLZ's Speed Chute to run from my mama's front entry vestibule, down the hall, through the living room, out the sliding doors, and off the back deck, and then float peacefully and...

Boost Natural Energy - Oxygen in a Can

Discontinued

So they're selling air. And not even the far-out air that's been solidified into Aerogel, or the air sucked up by Mega Maid and officially licensed by Spaceball One, just plain old gaseous oxygen. In a can. Oh it's a...

Primal Bells

$42.95 - $149.95 Onnit »

On the list of things that would really suck: 1) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 72-pound kettlebell with an incensed gorilla face carved into it; 2) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 500-pound incensed...

CrossBell Fitness System

$179.95 CrossBell »

Often when I struggle to empty a cooler of mostly-melted ice, or lift a fat jug to my lips for a refreshing drink, or dump the vat of Gatorade on my friend Cornelius' head after he scores point 10 in Settlers of Catan...

Digital Cordless Jump Rope

Sold Out Amazon »

Unlike a BLT without the bacon or a stripper without the boobies, a jump rope without the rope might actually be an improvement upon the original. First of all, a lot of people are good at jumping up and down (yes, I'm...