Freeze-Dried Dill Pickles
Freeze-Dried Dill Pickles are poppable, crunchable, addictive, and ready to desiccate your body and burn a hole through your esophagus when you end up eating the equivalent of 4 jars of regular pickles in a single sitting.
I mean, a single 0.7-ounce bag of Freeze-Dried Dill Pickles has to contain, like, a month's worth of sodium, and enough vinegar to remove the rust on every piece of scrap metal in the junkyard.
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Pickle Bandages
Got a boo-boo? Why slap on a boring beige bandage when you can turn that frown upside down with a pickle? Yes, you heard that right - BioSwiss Novelty Bandages are here to add a little brine and shine to your scrapes...
/pickled-boobs-butts-jars-33243.jpg?mode=crop "Pickled Boobies & Butts Jars")
Pickled Boobies & Butts Jars
Boobies and butts, butts and boobies! Now pickled for your gustatory pleasure!...
/mcdonalds-quarter-pounder-42715.jpg?mode=crop "McDonald's Quarter Pounder Scented Candle Pack")
McDonald's Quarter Pounder Scented Candle Pack
Huh. I woulda thought scented candles would be something they'd make to cover up the smell of McDonald's Quarter Pounders in your home. But I guess that's if you're making candles for wives and mamas who don't want aromas...
Pickle Juice Sport Drink
Don't worry. No cucumbers are harmed in the making of Pickle Juice. This briny sports drink is simply packed with pickling ingredients and flavors, plus a few other functional vitamins and minerals, that its creators...
/bic-special-edition-lighters-43477.jpg?mode=crop "BIC Special Edition Lighters")
BIC Special Edition Lighters
BIC Special Edition Lighters are like the frosted Lucky Charms of smoking paraphernalia. Neon green pickles! Scooter-riding T-Rexes! Nebula-drifting tacos! Angelic grinning beavers! They're magically auspicious!...
Pickle & Bacon Candy Canes
Pickle and bacon candy canes. A good start, indeed, but now we need flavors hamburger, ketchup, and cheddar. And maybe bun, though if the former requests were met, I would be willing to break my Christmas sticks into...
/brami-high-protein-low-carb-47534.jpg?mode=crop "BRAMI High-Protein, Low-Carb Pickled Lupini Beans")
BRAMI High-Protein, Low-Carb Pickled Lupini Beans
Bean, beans, the magical fruit, they're now keto-friendly, but they'll still make you toot. BRAMI calls their Lupini Beans the "Italian snacking bean," touting the slippery pickled legumes' 0 net carbs and 9 grams of...
/the-easy-fermenter-starter-kit-45751.jpg?mode=crop "The Easy Fermenter Starter Kit")
The Easy Fermenter Starter Kit
The Easy Fermenter Starter Kit reminds me of how I could eat kimchi by the jar. And sauerkraut. And I would too if my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, didn't at best crinkle her nose, and at worst make gagging sounds...
/fridgefork-condiment-fork-30464.jpg?mode=crop "FridgeFork Condiment Fork")
FridgeFork Condiment Fork
Eating straight from the jar approved! The FridgeFork condiment fork is simultaneously going to piss off and please my fiancee. She'll be irritated that Chef'n has developed a utensil that encourages me to stand with...
/freeze-dried-pepperoni-pizza-55608.jpg?mode=crop "Freeze Dried Pepperoni Pizza")
Freeze Dried Pepperoni Pizza
Wood-fired pizza ovens, I see your 800-degree temperatures and crispy crusts, and raise you minus-100-degree temperatures and crispy crusts, crispy cheese, crispy pepperoni, and crispy tomato sauce! Freeze Dried Pepperoni...
/salt-self-defense-gun-32170.jpg?mode=crop "SALT Self-Defense Gun")
SALT Self-Defense Gun
Lorenzo Maggiore already figured out how to A-Salt bugs in an effort keep our extermination of insects simple, clean, and green. Now we have a means of SALTing humans, this time in an effort to keep our defense against...
Bug-A-Salt Exterminating Shotgun
The Bug-A-Salt might be the coolest thing invented for killing winged and many-legged pests since clapping your hands together and not coming up empty. Using nothing more than a few granules of regular table salt as its...