The Mobile Blastmaster

Posted: March 27, 2013

In: Gear ➠ Music

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Purchase Details

$4k

from Hammacher Schlemmer »

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Wagons, the color blue, toys loud enough to get me grounded, stereos gangsta enough to make me feel like I was a part of the rap community, all of the things I loved as a young boy come rushing back in a singular, superb composition: The Mobile Blastmaster.

The portable audio player concept has been around for 30 years, but the Mobile Blastmaster's functional upgrades set in squarely in the 2010s. Though the stereo does retain a CD player and AM/FM radio, gone are the side-by-side cassette players and push buttons in favor of MP3 device and smartphone Bluetooth connectivity, dedicated amplifiers in the MDF cabinet's backside, a subwoofer and enough speakers to output 2,000 watts of "sonorous symphony", and crafty embellishments including drink holders, a bottle opener, and a flagpole mount. Yes, a flagpole mount. I don't know, I guess for football game tailgates and Confederate hoedowns.

Mobile Blastmasters come permanently affixed to a steel chassis that rolls on 4, 10" diameter pneumatic tires. Allegedly, the tires are all-terrain, including terrains covered in sand and snow. Kudos to that upgrade. I always found dragging my ghetto blaster through the snow 5 miles to school, uphill both ways, very tricky. Almost as tricky as rocking a rhyme. Rocking a rhyme that's right on time. Have you tried it? It's tricky.

Although the Mobile Blastmaster has not transcended traditional portable players' battery requirements, its two, 12-volt, deep-cycle units can provide up to 40 hours of audio at 50% volume when fully charged.

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