The JerkShirt (NSFW)

Posted: May 31, 2016

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Now don't take NSFW the wrong way. The JerkShirt was indeed created primarily for the office (and secondarily for the dinner table). But I would caution against watching the video, illuminating as it may be, within eye- or earshot of stuck-up co-workers and bosses who don't like things that are awesome.

The JerkShirt is a forthcoming (you can sign up for pre-order preference) classy blue button-up with a prosthetic arm you can move and position anywhere so you can maintain equal classiness as you jerk off in public. The 3:00 crash at work. The stressful brunch at the country club to meet girlfriend's parents. The excruciating 12-hour flight to Europe. Combat fatigue, nerves, and boredom with your most favorite alone-time pastime on earth without getting fired, exiled, or arrested!

In addition to the decoy arm, the JerkShirt is also sized to accommodate your real hand and hide your crotchal region as you choke the chicken so you'll be as comfortable as you are covert in your self gratification. The shirt's interior also has a built-in splash guard to keep the deed mess-free and avert tricky questions about when you spilled Aunt Jan's pineapple Jell-O salad all over your lap.

The JerkShirt is machine washable after each shoot-and-score, and comes with prosthetic arms in 4 different skin tones: Light; Beige; Tan; and Dark. Note: All prosthetic arms appear to replace the wearer's right hand, so, sorry lefties. It's just like scissors. You get the shaft--or rather, only awkward access to the shaft--again.

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