Zombie Cologne

Posted: March 14, 2013
Zombie Cologne
$20 - $39.50
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It seems to me that smelling like a zombie would not bode well for one's interactions with humans. I imagine the scents of Demeter's Zombie for Him and Zombie for Her incorporate a rank melange of decaying organic matter (i.e., people meat) and infected open wound, with maybe a little inside of jock strap thrown in for good measure. Show me one lady who's into that, and I'll show you one lady I am not interested in sleeping with. However, the cologne could be the surprise star of any concerned citizen's Zombie Survival Kit, as it stands to reason that those who smell like zombies could pass for being zombies, and thereby avoid pursuit, infection, and/or slow painful death at the hand of the real thing.

Oh. Upon further review, it appears that Demeter took a different approach to their colognes. Zombie for Him wafts of dried leaves, mushrooms, mildew, moss, and earth. So sounds like it still reeks in a way that will guarantee its wearer isn't getting laid, but not in a way that will render him undetectable to brain eaters. A lose-lose deal. Perfect. Ladies, on the other hand, you get to smack of a slightly lighter version of the above mixture, with a touch of Dregs from the bottom of the wine barrel. You won't smell good either, but will probably still get some because even though men talk about rating women on a scale of 1 to 10, most just use a binary scale of 0 or 1, with 1s being acceptable bedding material, and 98% of women being 1s.

Muchas danke to Incredible Things.

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