Heinz Ketchup Packet Roller
On the one hand, the Heinz Packet Roller is encouraging us not to make a mess and waste ketchup. How very tidy and eco-conscious of them. But on the other, when you have to invent a gadget - however tongue-in-cheek and gag gift-y it may be - to assist people in opening and emptying your condiment containers without spurting their contents everywhere, and leaving half the ketchup behind because it won't squeeze out, or gets stuck in the corners of the haphazard vertical tear you finally managed immediately prior to the spurting event, then maybe it's time to invent a new ketchup packet instead.
Perhaps one that doesn't result in millions and millions of ketchup-coated pieces of plastic getting dumped in a landfill.
Followed shortly, I bet, by a few thousand gimmicky Heinz Packet Rollers.
/14-condiments-toppings-you-58135.jpg?mode=crop "14 Condiments & Toppings You May Just Eat On Their Own")
14 Condiments & Toppings You May Just Eat On Their Own
These 14 condiments and toppings will make you want to grab a steak. Or a cupcake. Some chicken. Some waffles. Some chicken & waffles. Ice cream, tacos, burgers, fries...what, your belly don't have room for all that?...
/slice-of-sauce-solid-sliced-32676.jpg?mode=crop "Slice of Sauce - Sliced Ketchup Singles")
Slice of Sauce - Sliced Ketchup Singles
Slice of Sauce is ketchup meets Kraft Singles meets Fruit Roll-Ups meets your burger. Your new and improved mess-free burger, since this dried tomato condiment trades in the globs of red goo for a solid, slim, slick...Slice...of...
Potato Chip Cutter
The potatoes spilling out of this ribbon fry cutter look delicious. For $100 I would eat them raw. I might also eat them raw if I were sure no one was watching. Easy to load, easy to retract and reload, I know once I...
/mcdonalds-quarter-pounder-42715.jpg?mode=crop "McDonald's Quarter Pounder Scented Candle Pack")
McDonald's Quarter Pounder Scented Candle Pack
Huh. I woulda thought scented candles would be something they'd make to cover up the smell of McDonald's Quarter Pounders in your home. But I guess that's if you're making candles for wives and mamas who don't want aromas...
/bottletop-baster-58973.jpg?mode=crop "Bottletop Baster")
Bottletop Baster
Turn your bottles of BBQ sauce, salad dressing, and marinades into sex toys for your meat! I mean, there's really no better way to describe the Bottletop Baster. It's a head of tickly silicone bristles that fits onto...
/running-behind-condiment-45251.jpg?mode=crop "Running Behind Condiment Bottle Topper")
Running Behind Condiment Bottle Topper
I couldn't decide whether to call this condiment bottle topper of a dude having explosive diarrhea of your chosen condiment "Running from Behind," "Runs from Behind," "Poocasso," or "Ass Blaster." In fact, his name is...
Protein Ketchup
Normal ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup. Protein Ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup that have been kicked in the face by Chuck Norris and are therefore jacked up with 15 grams of Pure. Patent...
/saucemoto-in-car-dip-clip-31297.jpg?mode=crop "Saucemoto In-Car Dip Clip")
Saucemoto In-Car Dip Clip
Is the Saucemoto, a dip clip that latches onto the air vent in your car, a solution to or perpetuation of a problem? Do we really want people who have just gotten a 20-piece order of McNuggets and large fries dipping...
/Condiment-Gun-991.jpg?mode=crop "Condiment Gun")
Condiment Gun
Shoot up your hamburger in style with this condiment filled side-arm. I have a feeling if a family owns two of these, the mom (or dad if the family is really weird) is going to have a lot of cleanup to do after lunch...
/momofuku-ssam-sauce-35501.jpg?mode=crop "Momofuku Ssam Sauce")
Momofuku Ssam Sauce
"Tastes good on everything!" Normally when a condiment makes such a claim I'm skeptical, but this condiment is Momofuku Ssam Sauce. Made by chef David Chang, founder of the Momofuku Korean-inspired restaurants, and really...
/srirachup-sriracha-ketchup-11788.jpg?mode=crop "Srirachup - Sriracha Ketchup")
Srirachup - Sriracha Ketchup
I told them this is what would happen if they let the roosters near the tomatoes. The cocks just can't keep it to themselves. And now we have this bastard child. This atrocious, humiliating...awesome-sounding, mouthwatering...
/classy-ketchup-32166.jpg?mode=crop "Classy Ketchup")
Classy Ketchup
Spurt. With. Class. Classy Ketchup is a stainless steel ketchup dispenser that shoots a perfect, measured stream of the tomato's special sauce onto your burgers, fries, and scrambled eggs. It's your classier alternative...