Blowjob Token
- I Love You for Your Personality, but That Dick is a Nice Bonus - $7.99
- Thanks for All the Orgasms Candle - $22.99
- Morning Wood - Cedarwood Vanilla Scent Candle - $29.99
- Love Language Card Game - 150 Conversation Starter Questions for Couples - $24.95
- Bliss Collections Love Coupons for Him or Her - $14.99
Roll your eyes, ladies, but a Blowjob Token, obvious as it may be, is the ultimate Valentine's Day gift for a man. Actually, a Blowjob Token is the ultimate gift for a man on any day, for any reason.
Provided, that is, he can also redeem it on any day, for any reason. No fair giving Blowjob Tokens as a gag gift (unless you mean it literally!) or with a 3-page list of stipulations as to when and how he can cash it in. That's worse than giving no Blowjob Token at all.
And for the men who have received this type of condition-laden Blowjob Token, here's a collection of the best male masturbatory aids to help you rub off your disappointment.
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/lorals-latex-panties-a-new-50445.jpg?mode=crop "Lorals Latex Panties - A New Way to Say Yes to Oral")
Lorals Latex Panties - A New Way to Say Yes to Oral
Finally! A wearable dental dam! Lorals Latex Panties, despite being able to stop right there - latex panties? I'm in! Wrap some in every style up as a gift for my wife - aren't just sexy underwear to look at, they're...
/autoblow-decoy-safe-51613.jpg?mode=crop "Autoblow Decoy Safe")
Autoblow Decoy Safe
Funny, functional, dare I say Autoblow's take on the decoy safe is ingenious? Dirty Santa is lickin' his chops for this season's gift exchange...
GoodHead Flavored Gel
I read the following comment about GoodHead's Cinnamon-flavored lubricant / pleasure enhancer for the administrator of oral sex: "It's like chewing Big Red and sucking...the best damn lube period!" Unfortunately, there...
/needs-head-t-shirt-47980.jpg?mode=crop "Needs Head T-Shirt")
Needs Head T-Shirt
The Needs Head T-Shirt is a...gag gift! I feel like I should just stop there. What more needs to be said about this delightful piece of innuendo apparel and its endless accompanying jokes and puns? Get one as a gift for...
Valentine's Day Surprise Scratch-Off Card
This Valentine's Day Surprise scratch-off card gives me pause. Normally I consider receiving a greeting card the equivalent of receiving a fancy piece of trash, since that's where it's going to end up a day or two later...
Luxury Mile High Club Experience
Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg?mode=crop "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing...
Boregasm Pills
Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...
/japanese-electric-piston-12123.jpg "Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)")
Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)
Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...
LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)
Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...
The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)
Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...
/sexy-gifts-for-that-special-41604.jpg?mode=crop "Sexy Gifts for that Special Someone (NSFW)")
Sexy Gifts for that Special Someone (NSFW)
Some gifts are best left to Santa. But sexy gifts, especially sexy gifts for that someone special, those gifts are Baby Jesus territory all the way...