The Gift of Nothing
/the-gift-of-nothing-10688.jpg "The Gift of Nothing")
Merry Christmas to all! Especially my friend Cornelius, who is sulky this year on account of his girlfriend having dumped him at Thanksgiving! This breakup was, of course, the best Xmas gift I myself could have received, and as a cheer-up gift to Cornelius for having his ass handed to him in the game of love, I got him a new girlfriend! In pillow form! She'll never dump him again!
For everyone else, I have a very special gift. Nothing! The Gift of Nothing! Ahhh, it's still funny after all these years. When I was a young and greedy child and my parents gave me the gift of nothing, it came in a fancy, slim rectangular box. I had to lift the lid to find Nothing inside. Nothing, plus a document describing Nothing in detail, delineating its complete lack of uses, yet heralding it as the only thing left to get for someone who has everything.
Today's version of Nothing arrives as an empty globe, a marriage of cardboard and plastic that symbolizes everything we find contemptible about contemporary packaging. So that's something. And in this case, there is no need to wrestle with the unwieldy exterior to access the gift inside. Because Nothing is inside! And Nothing needs no unwrapping, no assembly, no charging, no...nothing! Nothing needs nothing. Except maybe a special place on your shelf to commemorate its nothingness.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/pc-prankster-6877.jpg?mode=crop "PC Prankster")
PC Prankster
I live for shenanigans of the PC Prankster variety. No, not because I'm devious and mean-spirited, because I have great empathy for others. I know as well as anyone how it feels to reach a level of frustration with a...
The TAC-SAC Rail Accessory
Last time me and my friend Cornelius played paintball he kept getting nailed and hiding and whining like a little goat until finally everyone was like, Dude, you need to grow a pair! And he was all, Dude! It's not me...
/black-useless-box-kit-12429.jpg?mode=crop "Black Useless Box Kit")
Black Useless Box Kit
This black box is nearly impossible to put together. Ninety-nine percent of those who try will fail. But for the always-elite 1%, once your corners are aligned and screws affixed, the world will be your oyster. Flip the...
/the-best-gifts-for-seeking-31235.jpg?mode=crop "The Best Gifts For Seeking Revenge on Frenemies")
The Best Gifts For Seeking Revenge on Frenemies
I learned my most important lesson about frenemies from The Golden Girls. It's that sometimes passive aggressive words and social interactions aren't enough. It's that sometimes I need my frenemies to throw a party. Invite...
/kwikset-killer-key-21880.jpg "The Killer Key")
The Killer Key
The Killer Key is for law enforcement officials, landlords with squatters or evicted tenants, and pranksters who thrive on taking things one step too far. See, the key blade inserts into any Kwikset or Schlage brand lock...
Aerogel - World's Lightest Solid
Not only is aerogel the world's lightest solid with a composition of 99.8% air (carbon dioxide) and 0.2% silica gel, and not only does it have sick nicknames, such as "frozen smoke" and "blue smoke", but it also has the...
/the-eviltron-31178.jpg?mode=crop "The Eviltron")
The Eviltron
Combining the ethos that nothing is scarier than one's own imagination with the ethos that creeping someone out to the cusp of a complete mental breakdown is great fun, we have...The Eviltron. That strange scratching...
/haxson-airfan-over-bed-smart-51341.jpg?mode=crop "Haxson AirFan - Over-Bed Smart Fan Hybrid")
Haxson AirFan - Over-Bed Smart Fan Hybrid
The Haxon AirFan mounts over your bed to create airflow and cool you off at night, yes, but the smart piece of tech also comes with 19 other built-in functions and features to help improve your quality of sleep. Plus...
/embarrassing-box-prank-mailer-26431.jpg?mode=crop "Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)")
Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)
D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...
Prank Magnetic Bumper Stickers
My friend Cornelius put one of these prank bumper stickers on my car the other day, and even though I realized it was magnetic and therefore easily removed shortly after retracing my drive to the soft-serve ice cream...
/wtf-prank-candles-55498.jpg?mode=crop "WTF Prank Candles")
WTF Prank Candles
WTF does using the term "WTF" in reference to a candle mean? In a nutshell: "Mmmm, this smells incredible! Just like the apple pie my grandma used to make with the shortbread crust and the...gaaaaasssspppp!. W...T...F...is...
/tirecockz-prank-tire-valve-39733.jpg?mode=crop "Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps")
Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps
Ain't no practical joke more practical than Tirecockz. The ridickulous penis tire valve stem caps will humiliate your friend Cornelius (more than driving a Dodge Neon beater already does) but still protect his valve stems...