Make Your Co-Workers Hate You Pen

Posted: September 18, 2019

In: Gear ➠ Office

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Purchase Details

$5.99

from Perpetual Kid »

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Never has there been a more aptly named product than this Make Your Co-Workers Hate You Pen. See, it's a pen, normal in every way, except for the clip at the end, which is a pair of mother F'ing nail clippers!

Removing small bits of your body at the office - especially when you let it pile up on your desktop before making a half-assed attempt to brush it into the trash - is never going to score points with the co-workers. But for me personally, I would much rather sit next to a guy biting his nails or a lady picking at her cuticles, or a whole row of people pulling out hair and eyelashes and maybe even boogers, than I would someone using a nail clipper. That sound! Curses! It's my nails on a chalkboard.

So much that I was tempted not to talk about this god-forsaken nail clipper pen at all, but I wanted to run a little test.

Everyone I know - co-workers, my wife, my friend Cornelius, my mama - assures me they never look at the site or read my writeups because they're lame. Well let's. Just. See. If I end up with a Make Your Co-Workers Hate You Pen under my pillow, in my Christmas stocking, or in the Secret Santa gift exchange this year, I'll know they're lying. My work is enamoring! A guilty pleasure no one can resist!

Perpetual Kid calls their Make Your Co-Workers Hate You Pen the best worst gift ever, and I wholeheartedly agree. In addition to the metal finger and toenail (oh yeah, had you thought of that?) clipper, the pen also has a built-in nail file to ensure your sloughed claws don't just get embedded in cracks and carpets, but waft about the whole office, dusting the largest surface area possible with your DNA.

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