Reusable Toilet Paper
D'oh! Why didn't I think of reusable toilet paper for my April Fool's Day joke product this year? That's hilarious! And OMG gross! And...totally real?!
From Green & Happy Shop comes this green and...uh, not so sure about the happy part...product to help you reduce waste and lower your carbon footprint at home. Reusable toilet paper is a 10-sheet roll of cotton flannel cloths that slips on your spool just like regular tp, and wipes your butt just like regular tp, but rather than flushing like regular tp, gets deposited in the wash to re-roll, re-spool, and re-wipe your butt when it's clean.
Once we get past the initial jolt of reusable toilet paper being a thing that makes you go, Ewww, we can look at it more objectively as a product that actually has plenty of precedent. Many cities / countries / parks with delicate plumbing ask public toilet users to dispose of tp in a trash can next to the toilet rather than dropping it in the bowl, and pretty much every public toilet makes that request of women disposing of sanitary products. So there are your examples of discharged bodily fluids hanging out in the open, probably for extended periods of time.
As for the reusable part, my mama swears she used only cloth diapers on me when I was a kid, and if my current GI tract activity is any indication of what I accomplished as a baby, then...hats off and my deepest apologies to you, Mama. But cloth diapers were the norm for everyone for years, and they're pretty much the same thing as reusable toilet paper: fabric that gets soiled with pee and poo, and then gets run through the washer and dryer so it can get soiled with pee and poo all over again.
Also, MAJOR BONUS: reusable toilet paper will never tear on you when you're using it, no matter how hefty a swipe or deep a dive you gotta take to get yourself shit-free!
Green & Happy Shop sells reusable toilet paper in white, blue, and black cotton. You can get the cloths with or without snaps, the latter necessary if you want to attach and roll up the unpaper wipes.