The Appleholic's Apple Peeler
/the-appleholics-apple-peeler-6287.jpg "The Appleholic's Apple Peeler")
- Rotato Express Electric Peeler - $17.35
- Electric Peeler for All Fruits & Vegetables - $8.97
- Electric Mini Pie Maker - $19.00
- They Still Make the Salad Shooter! - $45.00
- French Fry Cutter & Fruit Wedger - $20.49
True apple addicts don't have time to slough off the forbidden fruit's skin one strip at a time with a handheld peeler or their fingernails. And while other crank peelers technically get the job done expediently, their clunky, heavy metal presentation, tendency to remove half of the apple's flesh along with its skin, and creepy resemblance to a torture device from a Kafka novel make their acquisition and practical use somewhat undesirable. Pie makers, cider brewers, and those with a bushel-a-day problem will find Starfrit's Apple Pro-Peeler efficient and precise, plus far less likely to leave them with parting images of impalement. Also, it's way cheaper.
Now I'm not addicted to apples, but after watching Starfrit's demo video, I feel I could become addicted to peeling them. Look at how fast and smooth the skin comes off! And look at how shiny the apple looks afterwards! I bet if Eve had had a Pro-Peeler, she'd never have been ejected from the garden--why stop to take a bite when there's still more to peel?
Pro-Peelers are made of nylon and have a stainless steel blade, an integrated spike holder, and 4 suction-grip feet to avert at least one kitchen disaster. They promise to remove only the skin of the fruit, eliminating waste, and leaving behind pristine white globes of Pink Ladys and Granny Smiths. Yeah, I prefer the former too.
So...I was going to let this go, but after watching the Starfrit video about 15 times, I can't do it. I just can't do it. The informercial-esque clip opens with a voice over setting the following scene: "When peeling apples feels like mootin' climbing...." Stop! Stop right there! Mootin' climbing? What the Paul McCartney's second former wife's prosthetic leg is a mootin'? Is this a joke I don't get? Is it a completely jacked Canadian or Minnesotan pronunciation of the word "mountain"? Because, naturally, when I heard "mootin'" I thought "mutton", and when I heard "climbing" I thought, "Some old sheep is gettin' a back door surprise tonight."
And then I thought, "I feel like eating an apple."
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
The Fat Magnet
I know a lot of fat magnets. I bet you do too. Most of them look more like an ass in need of a run around the block than a reimagined dreidel though. But this Fat Magnet, the dreidel kind, is actually here to help the...
/tetra-countertop-dishwasher-30624.jpg?mode=crop "Tetra Countertop Dishwasher - No Plumbing Required")
Tetra Countertop Dishwasher - No Plumbing Required
Tetra is a forthcoming countertop dishwasher. Its collaborators, Heatworks and Frog, developed the compact unit to function with ease and efficiency; to install it you'll need only a footprint in your kitchen, and a single...
Fruit Infuser Water Bottle
People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my...
/ocean-kitchen-aquarium-13920.jpg?mode=crop "Ocean Kitchen - Aquarium Island")
Ocean Kitchen - Aquarium Island
Once I'd covered fish aquarium bathroom sinks and aquaponic end tables I figured the whole fish-in-your-furniture schtick had run its course. What other piece of home decor could incorporate aquatic life witho
The Ham Dogger
My friend Dominic is an electrical engineer who used to work for this company developing a chip to implant in the brains of epileptics that would help predict when they were going to have seizures, and if I had one of...
/eggler-egg-cracker-peeler-61353.jpg?mode=crop "Eggler Egg Cracker, Peeler & Slicer")
Eggler Egg Cracker, Peeler & Slicer
I'd dig it if the Eggler were a new McDonald's character who steals McMuffins, but I must say, I like it almost as much that the Eggler is actually a new 3-in-1 kitchen tool from Dreamfarm that cracks, peels, and slices...
/kitchen-essentials-for-the-31656.jpg?mode=crop "Kitchen Essentials For The Man's Man")
Kitchen Essentials For The Man's Man
No heart-shaped dutch ovens here! These kitchen essentials are geared towards the man. More specifically, the man's man. You know, the man who likes to attack his steaks with seasoning, sear them just beyond bloody, and...
/The-Bad-Banana-937.jpg?mode=crop "The Bad Banana")
The Bad Banana
Everyone knows that Japanese people are out of their fucking minds a little bit eccentric when it comes to... everything, but that's why we love them. This streaking flashing banana, I think, captures that eccentricity...
/ginnie-juicer-compact-61537.jpg?mode=crop "Ginnie Juicer - Compact Masticating Slow Juicer")
Ginnie Juicer - Compact Masticating Slow Juicer
"Ginnie" is a very nice name for a juicer. Ginnie sounds cute. And this compact kitchen gadget that won't take up more than a 5" footprint on your countertop most definitely is. Ginnie sounds fun. The juicer comes in...
/biem-stick-butter-sprayer-21465.jpg "biem Instant Stick Butter Sprayer")
biem Instant Stick Butter Sprayer
Whether you're looking to cut back on the butter or blanket your whole life in a dewy sheen of it, the forthcoming biem Butter Sprayer could be as revolutionary for your popcorn and toast as the Slotdog is for your wieners...
/rollie-egg-dog-maker-31021.jpg?mode=crop "Rollie Egg Dog Maker")
Rollie Egg Dog Maker
Something about the cylindrical results of the Rollie Eggmaster cooking system makes me a little uncomfortable. Is it that the tube of eggs looks too artificial? Too space agey? Too science projecty? Too anal probey?...
Over-the-Sink Dish Drying Rack
This over-the-sink dish drying rack is a 2-tier space saver with a side of storage and organization. A real multi-tasker that does it all with poise and elegance. Sound like any maternal figure you might know? One who...