Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat
I'd call the Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat the ultimate Dad joke, but Dad would never be so rude to a visitor. And Dad would never wish a visitor to go away, even salespeople, and Mormons who want to teach him about Joseph Smith, and especially his daughter Kayleigh's date Tucker. Or maybe he'd be unable to resist the welcome mat's brilliant humor, but answer the door, "Don't stop. Be leaving? No! Don't stop, be comin' on inside!"
Then Dad would ask the salesman / Mormons / Tucker if they want some hot tea or cocoa, and engage them in a friendly chat about how: they could do so much better than door-to-door sales; his wife is the only former, current, and latter day saint he needs around here; and if Kayleigh isn't home by 10, he'll don his Dadbag and Teva Ember Mocs and come get her himself.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/just-text-us-doormat-42515.jpg?mode=crop "Just Text Us Doormat")
Just Text Us Doormat
"Just text us when you're here. No need to knock and get the dogs involved." Whether you're a pet owner or not, this doormat sends a relatable message. And since anyone who comes over is certainly on their phone right...
/river-rock-door-mat-62343.jpg?mode=crop "River Rock Door Mat")
River Rock Door Mat
Ever fantasized about stepping across a babbling brook every time you cross your threshold? The River Rock Floor Mat turns that whimsy into reality, minus the soggy socks. Crafted with the smoothest stones that Mother...
/whalecum-mat-30299.jpg?mode=crop "Whalecum Mat")
Whalecum Mat
Whalecum, my friends. We have nothing but whalecum for you in this house. Spermy the Whale gives a gushing "Hello!" to all guests who cross the threshold in this delightful Whalecum Mat...
/spider-web-light-up-doormat-61297.jpg?mode=crop "Spider Web Light Up Doormat")
Spider Web Light Up Doormat
I'll welcome only those with webbed feet into my home this Halloween. Feet, that is, that have been wiped clean on my Spider Web Light Up Doormat...
/tile-mat-customizable-doormat-40042.jpg?mode=crop "Tile Mat Customizable Doormat")
Tile Mat Customizable Doormat
If you're gonna be a doormat, may as well be a Tile doormat that can say whatever the F it wants! The Tile Mat is a fully customizable, and infinitely changeable, floor mat consisting of a white snap-in backing and black...
Snow-Melting Stair Mat
What?! A snow-melting stair mat? And a baby demonstrating its use?! But the best part of accumulated Mother Nature dandruff is watching little kids wipe out trying to navigate through it! I do feel bad for old people...
Alligator in a Manhole Doormat
Though not as blood-curdling as a breaching shark in an elevator, an alligator snarling up through a manhole cover on my front doorstep should make uninvited visitors take pause long enough to second guess their decision...
/retro-rpg-menu-doormat-16020.jpg "Retro RPG Menu Doormat")
Retro RPG Menu Doormat
I think what I would do if I had this RPG command doormat is carry it around to other people's front doorsteps with me instead of installing it on my own...
/audacity-doormat-51344.jpg?mode=crop "Audacity Doormat")
Audacity Doormat
If you think "audacity" is too harsh of a word for this doormat...then you are almost certainly they type of person who doesn't call or text before "stopping by" people's homes. You are also the type of person I bought...
MudBlade Shoe Scraper
Sure you could use a knife to clean the caked dirt and gunk out of the crevices of your shoes. You could also use a knife to clean the caked dirt and gunk out from under your fingernails. But it's probably not the best...
/ninamar-mud-scrubber-rubber-58868.jpg?mode=crop "Mud Scrubber Rubber Brush Mat")
Mud Scrubber Rubber Brush Mat
Will the Mud Scrubber Rubber Brush Mat finally get my mama off my back about my feet? My feet that are only wet and muddy and covered with ice melt because I was out shoveling her sidewalk?...
Parallelepipedus Kovrikus Doormat
The Greeks--or whatever foreign-tongued group of cats who created this optical illusion doormat--sure don't cut any corners when it comes to making up a fancy way to say "box". But the Parallelepipedus Kovrikus makes...