Shark Repellent Rash Guard
Though most people would probably rather get burnt by the sun than bitten by a shark, both injuries are pretty bad these days. Take your pick on which one leads to a slow, tortuous death, or having flesh ripped away from random parts of your body. Seriously. Has anyone ever had a suspicious mole or skin spot removed? They dig that shit out. The point is, this wildly-patterned, red-hued beach shirt could save you from both cancer and the real-life re-enactment of this scene from Jaws.
The Shark Repellent Rash Guard provides UV protection of up to 50 SPF, helping to prevent skin from turning the same color as the shirt, and reducing the need for sunscreen application in hard-to-reach places. As for the part about deterring attacks from pit bulls of the sea, the rash guard's design supposedly mimics the appearance of the lion fish, a venomous swimmer that sharks, who evidently don't enjoy being poisoned any more than humans do, avoid eating. More importantly, even if you don't end up looking exactly like a lion fish, the hope is that you'll look decidedly not like a sea lion, a shark's favorite menu item, and one for which it sometimes mistakes two-legged land dwellers gallivanting through its waters.
Though I have no research to back the claim, I think the Shark Repellent Rash Guard will also protect wearers from Sharkinis. What?! Why would I want protection from a Sharkini? Well, what if it's an ugly Hammerhead Sharkini or, more probably, a Whale Sharkini. I'm not saying that's definitely what you'll need it for, just that it's good to be prepared.