Knight Gnome Garden Statues
If Jaime Lannister had an illicit incestual affair with Tyrion instead of Cersei, I think these Knight Gnome Garden Statues are pretty good representations of how their kids would turn out. Tiny but fierce warriors who drink and know things. And I'd take any of them over Joffrey.
Seller ShoppingCult suggests the Knight Gnome Garden Statues as Halloween decorations, which is confusing to me, because why limit their display to Halloween? If we're talking yard art, Knight Gnomes seem like a way more tasteful choice for yearlong display than regular garden gnomes. Or, say, a statue of a cat eating garden gnomes.
Knight Gnome Garden Statues are sold individually, or as full order of 8. They stand 5" tall.
Handmade Guinea Pig Armor
I had a guinea pig as a young boy. I named him Ruffles because he and I both were somewhat effeminate. They didn't make polished steel scale outfits for guinea pigs back then. And I have to admit, taking in this majestic...
Medieval Knight Hoodie
See, chivalry isn't dead. It's just been co-opted by the hoodie-wearing hipster crowd. This Medieval Knight Hoodie drips of irony akin to permutations of the mustache, and trending fads akin to bacon two years ago. Thanks...
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The Chateau de Vigny
You know, I've been thinking it's getting to be about time I move out of my mama's house...
Crocheted Knight Helmet
Medieval knight helmets. That's what hip nanas who know what it means to give their grandsons street cred crochet. Now I don't know if Dee Forrest is a grandma, but she's definitely privy to what the cool kids these days...
Dragon Slayer Leather Armor
The practicality of slaying a dragon in 100% leather armor is questionable at best, but one thing's for sure: all the fair maidens who haven't seen this much cowhide since Kiss performed at the dairy farm are gonna dig...
Wild Knight Dog Armor
Your canine ca-knight in shining armor has arrived! With one caveat: Lebovskiart, the Bulgarian designer of the shining armor, reports that his dog "does not like very much these strange clothes." But for him at least...
3D Printed Cat Armor
Now that the dog is Kevlared, spiked, and pokey bristled to the hilt with a CoyoteVest, it's time to turn your attention to armoring the cat. True, you've had the leather Cat Battle Armor option for a couple of years...
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Sirius the White Knight Hoodie
Medieval knight hoodies aren't new, but when I saw this white version, coined Sirius, The White Knight, I knew it would be the perfect addition to my girlfriend, She-Ra: Princess of Power's and my bedroom activities...
Executive Knight Pen Holder
Your Paper Mate Fine Point Rollerball, my Lord. Yeah. That's how all men of my stature should be handed their pens. Though maybe I would have my bowing-in-reverence Executive Knight hold an UZI Defender tactical model...
22" Guillotine
If you thought the famously-reviewed Amazon Banana Slicer was the lone solution to your banana-cutting predicament, have I got a 22", tropical-fruit-whacking guillotine for you. Though originally used to decapitate humans...
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Black Diamond Castle Ring
If you're too humble to claim the entire solar system--including Pluto--revolves around you, project smaller-scale dominance by becoming King of Theo Fennell's Castle Ring. This intricate, hand-crafted medieval fantasy...
Scalemail Spaulders
Fashion-forward and cosplaying ladies will love these scalemail spaulders and choker from Silmaril Clothing. Dudes, you might like them too if you can tear your eyes away from the model's tattoo long enough to check them...