Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay
/aztec-secret-indian-healing-8052.jpg "Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay")
The reviews of Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay - over 1,000 of them! - are so overwhelmingly positive it makes me wonder how I've never before heard of these miraculous bentonite particulates of the earth. Maybe I was too busy cultivating my beanstalk. People herald the clay's ability to visibly extract bacteria and blackheads from the face, chest, back, ass, you name it as it dries. But you know what else visibly extracts bacteria and blackheads from those places? Duct tape. And you don't even have to wait for it to dry.
In all fairness, Indian healing clays are centuries-old beauty solutions for fighting acne and assuaging skin irritations. Supposedly similar bentonite clays were used by Cleopatra, ancient Roman spas, and people from France, such as the priest Kneipp and the Conehead Beldar. This particular brand hails from the prolific Aztec population living in...uh, California's Death Valley...and is sun-dried for up to 6 months to turn it into the powdered form that gets packaged for use in facials, body wraps, clay baths, foot soaks, insect bite and poison ivy treatments, and chilled clay muscle recovery packs.
To liquefy, mix equal parts clay and raw apple cider vinegar or water (the former is touted for skin treatments) to form a smooth paste. Apply in a thick layer--1/4" to 1/2"--to desired area, and allow to dry for 5 to 10 minutes. Apparently, you'll "feel your face pulsate!" and know it's working. Use warm water to remove. Reviews warn against peeling the clay off dry or scrubbing it with a cloth, and recommend getting in the shower or having a trusted friend blast you with a garden hose in the back yard to avoid a mess.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
True Mirror - How Others See You
The True Mirror idea is simple (and old; it was first patented in 1887): place two mirrors at right angles and have a look-see. Its effect, though, elicits the complexities of realization spanning everything from Whoa!...
Your Face Mask
Your face. Your buddy's face. Your mom's face. Angelina Jolie's face. ThatsMyFace.com can make any of them for your creeptastic wearing pleasure. They can also make them for your creeptastic wall-mounting or refrigerator-magneting...
Other People's Face Masks
Get all 4 of Faux Real's Face (of Someone Else) Masks to swap out throughout the night at this year's Halloween party and kill it as Arya Stark or Jaqen H'gar, or maybe just a generic Faceless Man...
Japanese Tongue Exerciser
The most endearing part about the Kuwaete Sukkiri Tongue Exerciser marketing campaign is that it claims the silicone (and grapefruit scented!) apparatus is intended to "help improve your face line and those flabby, sagging...
/your-face-custom-face-masks-43878.jpg?mode=crop "Your Face Custom Face Masks")
Your Face Custom Face Masks
Your own face on a face mask. The option has been available, and shown a few different faces of itself, for years now - remember the creepy Realface clone? - but this one from Obscure A Tees is made in the face of Covid-19...
Dapper Celebrity Soldier Prints
Obviously the only one of these celebrities who really sat for his French Republican Guard...or whatever...portrait in the 19th century is Chuck Norris because he's immortal and easily over 200 years old. The rest are...
/from-delightful-to-disturbing-50063.jpg?mode=crop "From Delightful to Disturbing: 15 Personalized Gifts")
From Delightful to Disturbing: 15 Personalized Gifts
WARNING: A couple of the personalized gifts in my 15-strong collection of personalized gifts aren't just disturbing, they're a little NSFW. And the last one is both very disturbing and very NSFW. Because when I say "personalized...
/pop-it-pal-pimple-popping-31252.jpg?mode=crop "Pop It Pal Pimple Popping Simulator")
Pop It Pal Pimple Popping Simulator
Long to be poppin' zits like a G6? Look no further than the Pop It Pal Pimple Popping Simulator. Even with the teen acne days behind you, and most of those juicy back zits juuust out of reach, this fleshy, pus-filled...
/25inch-inflatable-you-30237.jpg "25inch Inflatable You")
25inch Inflatable You
25inch is blow-up doll meets...your face. Is it cool or weird to own a 2-foot-tall inflatable replica of yourself? If you think cool, 25inch.me invites you to grab your favorite headshot and upload it for transformation...
Personalized Freak Masks
While Firebox will personalize these Freak Masks with your own face, or the face in any photo you upload and send them, I smell a branding opportunity here for hip-hop artist Ski Mask the Slump God. Ski masks of Ski Mask...
Your Face on an Animal Cookie
You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I th
/human-face-hat-56057.jpg?mode=crop "Human Face Baseball Hat")
Human Face Baseball Hat
This Human Face Baseball Hat is ready to play ball...with anyone who thinks they can look it in the eye without shuddering. Yeeks. Every time I glance at Sabri Tunca's handmade creep fest, I have to shake it off like...