Drinkmaster Hoodie
/drinkmaster-hoodie-6520.jpg "Drinkmaster Hoodie")
- USA Beer Mitt - $29.99
- The Poker Koozie Glove - $9.99
- Skull Bottle Opener Ring - $5.71
- Boobzie Can Koozie - $9.00
- Periodic Table of Beer Sweatshirt - $29.99
Unlike braces and Yoda, the Drinkmaster Hoodie checks in as both useful and good-looking. A sleek black fleece zip-up with a bevy of booze-specific pockets and effects, the Drinkmaster is the hardcore partier's ultimate bag of tricks. Complementing its fashionable cotton composition, fully lined hood, and rad high-fiving monkey logo we have the following handy crack-'em-open and knock-'em-back accessories:
- A beer Koozie pocket.
- A bottle opener zipper.
- A built-in drinking glove with non-slip grip. [Until the Skuuzi, I wasn't aware there is an industry for beer gloves. Even now, I am not sure there's an industry for beer gloves. If they're to prevent bottles and cans from slipping, pour that shit in a glass. If they're to prevent hands from getting cold...man the F up, dudes.]
- A flask pocket.
- A snappable I.D. pocket [i.e., the Drinkmaster Hoodie pocket that will enjoy the most frequent use.]
- Reflective Pleepleus logos. [I guess Pleepleus is the monkey. At first reading, I was like, What the hell kind of name is Pleepleus? How do you pronounce such ancient Greek nonsense? How do you even get that many weird syllables out of your mouth without taking a breath? But then after giving it a couple internal test runs, as well as turning to the girl to my left at this fine Sunday morning coffee shop airing clips of Mike Ditka on SportsCenter and saying it 5 times fast with no accompanying explanation, Pleepleus is starting to grow on me. Pleeee-pleeee-usss. I think that's what I'll name my first born. Pleepleus, dinner's ready! Pleepleus, how's about we go out back and toss the around the pigskin? No, no, Pleepleus. You can't touch girls like that unless they give you permission.]
/miller-lite-x-new-balance-49845.jpg?mode=crop "Miller Lite x New Balance Shoezie Beer Koozie")
Miller Lite x New Balance Shoezie Beer Koozie
The Miller Lite x New Balance Shoezie is a collaboration for the ages. Namely, the ages of dads. Forties. Fifties. Sixties. Maybe seventies if he's a spry one still sportin' New Balance 624 sneaks and crackin' a Dad joke...
/lolo-lids-covert-beer-koozies-22472.jpg "Lolo Lids Covert Beer Koozies")
Lolo Lids Covert Beer Koozies
Drink your beer on the down Lolo with this lid of subterfuge. Disguised as a to-go coffee lid, the Lolo* fits over a can of beer, which then slides into most any large paper coffee cup to form a covert koozie. Sneaky...
World's Tackiest Sweaters
Flagrant foul. No words can describe these hideously tacky sweaters. Well, that's not quite true. These words can describe them: Skittles; cheeseburger; condoms; french fries; gummy worms; popcorn; palm trees; wafts of...
Kraken Flasks
Rejoice ye liquor-sipping non-smokers who thought the Octopus Pipes we featured last month would be cool, if only you inhaled. Kraken Flasks are here to evoke equal reverence from those who enjoy a fine swig of Scotch...
/beer-gear-et-ways-to-enhance-60430.jpg?mode=crop "Beer Gear: 16 Ways to Enhance a Cold Beer on a Hot Day")
Beer Gear: 16 Ways to Enhance a Cold Beer on a Hot Day
16 ways to enhance a cold beer on a hot day. That's 4 more than a 12-pack of ways. A 6-pack plus 10. A pint of beer gear! And if this summer is the scorcher they say it's going to be, I for one will gladly make use of...
The BevBuckle - Retractable Drink Holder Belt Buckle
The BevBuckle is business in the front...wait...nah. It's a chunky metal belt buckle with your choice of anything from a longhorn to a largemouth bass on it that flips down to form a perfectly sized, perfectly stable...
/woozie-can-cooler-cone-60294.jpg?mode=crop "Woozie Can Cooler & Cone Holder")
Woozie Can Cooler & Cone Holder
High-five to John Olwig not only for his Woozie Can Cooler & Cone Holder, but for his introduction to it: "Here today we have a rather special type of can cooler or can sleeve." Rather special, indeed. So a high-five...
/tactical-vest-beer-koozies-33221.jpg?mode=crop "Tactical Vest Beer Koozies")
Tactical Vest Beer Koozies
It's military-strength protection for your beer this summer! These tactical vest beer koozies, complete with MOLLE attachments for toothpicks, cigs, and lime wedges, might be pretty cheesy, but the cheddar they're oozing...
/ramen-hoodie-24500.jpg "Ramen Hoodie")
Ramen Hoodie
Eat it or wear it, that's what my grandma used to say. It was meant to be a threat, but now that I see this delightfully loud and obnoxious Ramen Hoodie, I think I would like to retroactively choose the latter. I'll wear...
Star Trek: The Next Generation Hoodies
They may be only moderately reminiscent of the uniforms Picard & Co. wore in Star Trek: The Next Generation, but definitely these hoodies will be more comfortable, breathable, and sported acceptably by all shapes and...
/loewe-pixelated-clothing-59814.jpg?mode=crop "Loewe Pixelated Clothing"){kind=tracking}
Loewe Pixelated Clothing
No, not Lowe's. Unfortunately, because then the Pixelated Clothing collection might be reasonably priced and rugged enough to hang drywall in. But this is Loewe, Spanish luxury fashion house, and designers of 8bit denim...
Brewtis the BottleKeeper
What's better than filling a water bottle with water? Filling a water bottle with beer! And what's better than filling a water bottle with beer? Inserting an entire bottle of beer into the water bottle! Wait...do what?...