Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear
All you need to stay afloat this summer is a pair of Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear! A swimsuit and life raft in one!
On second thought, the Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear might be better described as a swimsuit and death raft in one. I'm thinking, yes, the wearable pool toy will serve as a flotation device, but given its placement around your crotchal region, a flotation device for your lower half only. Meaning you'll be floating inverted. Upside down. Legs up. Ass over tea kettle. Gonna be pretty hard not to drown that way. But, hey, whatever floats your boat butt.
So assuming you don't actually wear a pair of Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear to the pool or beach, what's their purpose? Well, you see...I have no idea. A Halloween costume? Or perhaps some sort of circus cosplay costume? A weighted-blanket-style comfort tool and tactile barrier for people with sensory issues? A BDSM accessory? Given the cost of the wearable beach ball, it better be something good.
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Giant Inflatable Solar System with LED Lights
I'm not sure "giant" is the word you want to be using when talking about a replica of our solar system. Even with the Sun being 9' and Jupiter 7' in diameter, these "Giant" Inflatable Solar System Balloons are still miniatures...
/big-boobie-beach-ball-39820.jpg?mode=crop "Big Boobie Beach Ball")
Big Boobie Beach Ball
The entirety of the Big Boobie Beach Ball's product description reads as follows: "Hit the sand and bat around the Big Boobie Beach Ball. Looks like the real thing and holds up to hard play."...
Giant Death Star Beach Ball
This giant Death Star Beach Ball isn't threatening to destroy entire planets, but at 6' in diameter, it could take out a group of small children if you're not careful. I'd mind the yappy dogs and overeager golden doodles...
Fundies: Underwear Built for Two
According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem...
Cute Ass Animals Underwear
Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...
Shreddies Fart-Filtering Underwear
Leave it to the Brits to class up farts and poots. And also to create a solution that spares those who didn't just drop a silent stink bomb from inhaling the fumes released by the one who did. Shreddies is a line of men's...
/eletrunks-lifter-underwear-25033.jpg "Eletrunks \"Lifter\" Underwear")
Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear
Though the above video is slightly NSFW, Eletrunks are not a dirty or obscene pair of underwear. At all. The company's demo of their functional, comfort-enhancing, package-adjusting Lifter cord just makes it look like...
Latex Bat Underwear
Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile...
Nerds with Vaginas Underwear
Did you get drunk and pee your pants last night? Did you throw your panties on stage during the New Year's Eve Super Diamond Neil Diamond cover band show? Did you sneak out of the bed you woke up in at 5:00 a.m. and leave...
Manties Men's Lace Boxers
Last month this a-hole at my office left a box of Edible Anus chocolates on my desk with a note that said, "I saw these and thought of your face." Now everyone at work calls me Buttmuncher. Like we're 12! So for next...
MyPakage Keyhole Comfort Underwear
While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole...
/the-ball-lifter-nsfw-19337.jpg?mode=crop "The Ball Lifter (NSFW)")
The Ball Lifter (NSFW)
I know what you're thinking: is that a push-up bra...for my balls? The answer is yes. The Ball Lifter was designed to lift and embellish your package without pumps, pills, or other male member enhancement quackery. It's...